Chapter 16 Despite trying, I barely sleep and am dragging myself out of bed the next morning. Even when I was asleep, my dreams were filled with nightmares, my past and Cadence's melding together to leave me feeling raw and exposed. I wish I'd been in Dimitri's bed with his body wrapped around mine, his strength making me feel safe. I know it would have staved off the nightmares. Would he be able to help me with Cadence if I asked? I'm competent, hard-working. But I'm out of my depth with what's happening with my best friend, and I don't know how to move forward. Standing up to a man like the one I heard on the phone... Blood rushes in my ears. It's my worst nightmare. I draw in several jagged breaths, trying to calm my racing nerves. Dragging myself into the shower, I stand under the hot water, trying to relax. I'm both wired and exhausted. I finally leave the bathroom, getting dressed, and, drawing in several deep breaths, I open my door and step into the hall. I am hit by the smell of coffee and bacon, a combination that instantly perks me up. Heading out into the kitchen, I find Anna already in her booster chair, scrambled eggs in front of her. Without a word, Dimitri hands me a cup of coffee. "Thank you," I sigh, taking the steaming cup from his hands. "I need this." "Rough night?" "Yeah." "Up late working?" "No," I wince, remembering I told him I had work to do. I wish that had been the case. "Worried about today?" "What's today?" I ask, my furrowed brow meeting his over the top of my mug. "Your appointment with the therapist I made for you. Remember?" I lower my mug, my eyes going wide. "Appointment?" He'd told me, but with all that's been happening, I completely forgot. Which is so not like me. "But what about Anna?" "Normally she'd go to preschool. But with a fever yesterday, I thought it best she stays home. So...I called in the speech therapist for an extra session." Dimitri went through so much trouble for this. But the idea of digging into my past, today of all days... "I don't..." "It will be good for you, milaya." "But I've been doing so much better with you," I softly answer, taking another swig of my coffee. "You have." He smiles over his shoulder from his spot at the stove, before he comes around the island, dropping a light kiss on my forehead. "But I really think that a therapist will help you come to terms with your past." "Dimitri," I softly plead. God, I want to hide in this man's strength, let him wrap me up and protect me from the world. I bet a woman who has a man like Dimitri never has to worry about other men hurting her. That thought makes me hold the air in my lungs as my eyes go wide. His hand comes to my jaw, softly cupping my face. "I can reschedule if you'd like. But I want to help you, sweetheart. Know that." I know he does. That's the crazy part. It hits me again. That Steve thinks this is the man responsible for Cadence's disappearance. "No. You don't need to reschedule. I just forgot. I...I'm not myself." He puts his arm around me, pulling me close. A week ago, I couldn't imagine being touched like this. Now, I sink into him, burying my face into his shirt. I draw in his scent like it will infuse me with his strength. "Ava," he whispers close to my ear. "I'm worried about you." I shake my head against his shirt. "I'm fine." "Are you sure? Am I... I'm pushing too fast, aren't I? You seem far less balanced than when we first met..." "No." I lift my head then. This embrace, it's holding me together when I might have fallen apart. "I...I'm having trouble with a friend. I..." I want to tell him. All of it. Let it pour out of me. His hand slides behind my neck, supporting the weight of my head. "Oh, milaya, I'm sorry. Let me know if there is anything I can do to help." My mouth opens as words threaten to fall out. I want to tell him everything. Even what Steve said. I want Dimitri to tell me it's not true. And that he's here for me, that he'll help me with Cadence. "Thank you," I whisper as his lips brush lightly over mine. "I'm here for you, Ava." My heart swells in my chest as I clutch his forearm with one hand, the other sliding around his waist. "If you could give me the address to the therapist..." "I'll drive you," he answers. "It will be easier." Then he eases back, gesturing to my coffee. "Drink up. And have some breakfast. It will help." I do as he commands, feeling slightly better for eating. Fifteen minutes later we're out the door, taking the elevator down, not to the lobby, but a floor lower, to the garage. Right next to the doors, in a private stall, is Dimitri's car. It's black and sleek, though I don't even know how to drive so I have no idea what kind of car it might be. "Go ahead, it's unlocked." He gestures toward the passenger door. I'm about to tell him that he's brave to leave his car open in this city when I look around and realize, the garage is for him alone and a metal door closes in the space. We climb into the car as the metal gate clangs open and Dimitri backs out the car. The seat hugs me, the interior smelling of rich leather. "Your car is beautiful." "Thank you." He looks over at me and winks. "Want to drive? It's not just a luxury sedan, it's got excellent horsepower." I'm not even sure what that means. "I don't know how," I whisper. I see his brows lift as he steers into traffic. "You don't know how to drive?" "Foster care in the city," I shrug. "Most of the families I lived with took in kids like me for the money. They didn't have cars, and if they did, they didn't let me drive them." His mouth presses into a line. "I'll have to teach you." My mouth opens and closes. There he goes again, righting every wrong in my life. The drive to the therapist's office is short, the building beautiful. We park and he takes me up to the fifth floor where we enter a sophisticated lobby with plush carpets and comfortable couches. Sitting together on a love seat, I feel the butterflies rising in my stomach. Despite the comforting interior, I feel out of my depth. I don't talk about my past-ever. I barely wanted to tell Dimitri and he's the closest I've been to anyone since Cadence. I slip my hand into his, feeling the emotion welling up in my chest again. I wish I'd slept more or that I wasn't so worried about Cadence. I already feel raw and I'm going in to talk about my feelings. My worst experiences. By the time the therapist opens the door, I'm shaking a bit, Dimitri looking at me with a great deal of concern. "You don't have to do this if you're not ready." I nod, but I still stand. Maybe it will be good. Maybe I won't have to talk about anything other than my complicated relationship with Cadence and how worried I am. I get up on shaking legs and follow an attractive professional woman into her office. "Hi there, I'm Dr. Morgan, but most of my patients just call me Hope." "Hope. That's a nice name for someone in your line of work," I say and she laughs, though I'm sure she's heard the joke before. She gestures for me to take a seat, and I do, letting out a slow breath of air. "I know that Mr. Ivanov made this appointment for you. Said you could use an ear." "Maybe," I answer, my breath hitching. "I'm not sure..." She holds up a hand. "We work at your pace. It's fine if for today, we just get to know each other." My shoulders go limp. "That's good. I was really nervous. I mean, I'm sure I need to be here. I grew up in foster care and some of the stuff that happened-" I stop, realizing I'm already going into it. Is there part of me that really wants to get this out? My past has been a poison, festering my whole life. "Anything you want to talk about?" I shake my head. "I had one friend that I made after my mom died, and we were in a lot of homes together. But lately she's been pulling away, more and more." Hope frowns. "Sometimes change means shedding the past." I shake my head, knowing she's right. "She's my family." "Tell me about her." I do. I tell her about how Cadence stood up for me and how I'd cover for her when she got in trouble and before I know it, I'm building toward that day that everything changed for me. This wasn't the plan, I barely know Hope, but I think the memory has been festering and Dimitri has brought my feelings even closer to the surface. The poison is bursting to get out. Which is likely why the words are tumbling out. "I took a shower after school. When I got out, I wrapped my hair in a towel." I know it seems like a nothing detail, but it explains where I was at mentally. "And then I put on this full-length robe that belonged to my foster mom. She told me to wear it in the hall, so I was covered." I draw in a shaky gulp of air, my heart beginning to race in my chest. "I opened the door and started down the hall when, from out of nowhere, my foster father jumped me." My throat burns as much as my eyes. The walls that keep these secrets are especially weak lately and I feel myself going places I never wanted to visit again. "I thought he'd mistaken me for his wife. You know? The towel on my head, the robe. I said, Hank, it's me. It's Ava, even as he yanked open the robe and tugged down his pants." My chest is heaving, and tears have started streaming down my face. I can't keep them in anymore. "He smacked me and told me to shut up and then⁠-" The room spins and I can't catch my breath. "Put your head between your knees," Hope softly commands as she comes to my side. I do as I'm instructed, but as I tip forward the room is spinning terribly, and I fall onto the floor with a thump. "Ava," Hope cries. "Are you all right?" That's when the door bursts open, Dimitri appearing in my line of vision. Before I can say a word, he's sweeping me into his arms, cradling me against his body. "Hush," he whispers against my ear, crushing me to his chest. I press into him, my wet cheek sinking into the hollow of his neck. "I said too much too soon. I'm just too raw..." "I know, my love. But I'm here, and you're safe with me." I snake a hand around his neck. "Promise?" "No man will ever hurt you again. Promise." He squeezes me tighter as I breathe in his scent. My heart stops racing, my breathing growing even again as I keep my eyes closed. I hear them discussing me. Another appointment...a safety check, but I can't keep the words in my head. Only one thought fills my mind. When did Dimitri Ivanov start feeling like home, and what am I going to do?