Chapter 21 Can you eat if you can't breathe ? Because I can't breathe . Unfazed by Peter's antics , Nathan slides into the vacated seat next to me , placing a chaste kiss on his mother's cheek as he does . He nods a greeting to his father , too , before turning to me and nodding politely . He's already looking away from me before I can summon a suitable response . With my heart racing and my lungs failing , I'm unsure of what to do . Do I greet him ? Do I stay quiet ? Do I die from asphyxiation ? Peter obnoxiously coughs and my gaze snaps to him . He's leaning back in his new seat , smirking . " Breathe , " he mouths . from I glare at him , wishing I could smack the smirk off his face . But at least redirecting my focus from Nathan allows me to finally take a breath . Samuel clears his throat and the small chatter that was going around ceases . " Hello , ladies , " he starts , his authoritative voice carrying over the silent dining room . " It's nice to have the chance to relate in an informal setting such as this . " As he talks , servants file in and fill the wine glasses next to us with wine . If this is informal , I'd hate to see what formal is . " I've heard promising feedback about your training recently and I'm pleased that you all seem to be carrying yourself with the dignity and grace expected from an Ashford . This dinner was organized so we could get to know you a little better because other than your etiquette training and your daily grooming , your character , talents , and mind are more important to us . So please feel free to be yourselves tonight ; even if you don't win this competition and marry any of my sons , you can use your time here to build important relationships that will last a lifetime . " If - when I don't marry any of his sons , I intend to move on with my life . Whether I'll force myself to forget this whole experience or it will be a cherished memory is still to be determined . Samuel waves , and before I can feel confused by the action , the doors open , and servants file in , each holding a plate of food . Anna , with her head held high , stands next to Samuel and says , " Good evening , ladies and gentlemen . To begin your meal , we present a classic Oysters Rockefeller , baked to perfection with a blend of herbs , butter , and breadcrumbs . " Samuel nods slightly , and the servants move , placing a dish before each person , starting with Samuel and then the rest of the Ashfords . Nathan leans slightly to allow a maid to place his plate in front of him . The fabric of his jacket rubs against my bare arm , and that's enough to send all my thoughts scattering wildly . The dinner commences , and it feels like every lesson from every etiquette class vanishes like snow under the blazing sun that is proximity to Nathan . It doesn't help that I'm not a huge fan of seafood . I usually stick to the familiar food served at the buffet , so this dish - its name I've already forgotten - is not only strange but borderline repulsive . I glance at my cutlery , forgetting which one I'm supposed to use . Hlook up , subtly trying to see what everyone else is doing . My eyes meet Eliza's across the table and she smiles encouragingly , picking up the smallest fork on the outermost edge . I return her smile with a grateful one of my own and try to mirror her actions , feeling foolish and completely out of depth . " Mr. Ashford , " Valerie speaks , her voice dripping with honey . " I just wanted to say what an honor it is to be dining with you and your family tonight . You have all been so generous to host us so wonderfully . " Samuel smiles . " It's our pleasure . And call me Samuel . " 1/2 Chapter 21 Valerie preens like a peacock , and I resist the urge to roll my eyes. But more of the girls speak up , thanking the Ashfords and complimenting them on either their home or their person . I know I should say something . But all of my brainpower is directed at making sure I don't put my elbows on the table or slump or use the wrong cutlery or spill wine on myself . I'm well aware of how poised and confident every other girl is - even Eliza , who's actually joining in on the conversation with Samuel , Marisol , and some of the girls . The only people on the table who don't speak are Lucas , and Nathan - and me . Say something , April . Anything . But what ? I'm not educated like the girls in this room , not in the ways that matter , at least . I can talk all day about epigenetics or DNA editing . But they're talking about stock markets , real estate , the most expensive wines , travel , and vacations . There's just no way for me to fit in . As we finish the courses and more are being brought out , despite all the training , I have to keep an eye on Eliza , so I don't use the wrong cutlery or eat the wrong way . I glance at Marisol once and try to emulate the grace and composure she so effortlessly exudes , but it's like trying to dance when I barely know how to walk . And I dare not glance at Nathan next to me , worried that if I so much as shift my attention to him , the tiny amount of poise and grace I've mustered will instantly disappear . After the first three courses , Anna announces the main course - some fancy combination of Frenched lamb rack , Dijon mustard , and whatever the hell herbed breadcrumbs are . My plate rattles as it is set in front of me , and I look up to see that the maid is visibly shaking . I frown , studying her worriedly . Her face is flushed red , and her lips are tightly pressed together as if to keep herself from screaming . " Um , are you okay ? " I ask quietly . Her name tag reads : Sarah . Sarah glances at me , and her eyes widen . Her chest rises and falls rapidly , and her breathing is harsh like she just ran a marathon . I can't tell if she's sick or having an episode of sorts . She doesn't answer my question , though ; she just gives a stiff bow and practically runs out of the room . I frown after her . Should I say something ? I decide against it . The first thing I'll say at this dinner should not be my concerns for a servant . Not when Marisol and a girl named Cecily are gushing about how beautiful Paris is in the spring . I glance back to my plate and frown when I see a gold bracelet next to it . I glance back in the direction the maid left . The bracelet must have slipped off her wrist while she set my plate down . I take the bracelet in my hand , glancing at the table . Would it be rude if I left ? But then I see two empty seats - a girl who excused herself to the bathroom mid - course and Lucas , who I didn't even notice leave . Feeling better about leaving - and maybe never coming back - I push my chair back and stand as quietly as I can . " Excuse me , " I mutter to no one in particular before leaving the dining hall , desperate to be anywhere but the suffocating room filled with people I'll never fit in with . Chapter Comments Discover our latest featured short drama reel. Watch now and enjoy the story!