Chapter 22 When Clara had asked me to be a bridesmaid, I'd gone straight to Anthony for advice. He'd laid out all my potential duties, which, according to him, involved a terrifying amount of crafts and tulle. Thankfully, Clara had quickly put my fears to rest. All she wanted was for me to wear a pretty dress and stand beside her. That, I could do. So, here we were: Clara, Shira, and I out shopping for dresses. Mostly, it was an excuse to catch up. Clara claimed she was too old to have matchy-matchy bridesmaids, which meant we were free to play. I held up a slinky satin number in crimson and waggled my brows. "This says maid of honor...in a slutty way." Clara snorted. "Perfect. That's exactly the vibe I want for my wedding." Shira patted Jonah's bottom in the carrier strapped to her front as she sifted through racks of colorful gowns. "I need something to accommodate my chest. But loose enough to pop a boob out so I can pump." I pursed my lips. "See? Shira's on board with the slutty vibe. She's already planning on having her tits out." Clara bumped her shoulder into mine. "I'm rethinking asking you to be a bridesmaid." I curved my arm around her waist. "I'll be on my best behavior, darling. You know I'm honored you want me standing with you." "I promise not to take my tits out in front of your guests," Shira teased softly. "I never doubted you." Clara plucked a buttery yellow dress off the rack and waved it at her. "This would look gorgeous on you. You have to try it on." Shira looked down at the gurgling baby attached to her. "Okay, I wasn't thinking this through when I put him in the carrier instead of the stroller. Maybe I'll buy a couple and try them on at home." I put my arms out. "Or you could hand that giant baby over to his Aunt Bea." Shira gave me a grateful look and started unbuckling Jonah. He was only three months old, but he took after his father and was already the size of a six-month-old. Seeing him in petite Shira's arms was almost comical, but they looked just right together. She was a natural mother-laid back and adoring-and Jonah was a reflection of that ease. I took Jonah from her, immediately nuzzling his button nose. He cooed and flailed his chunky arms, settling quickly. He was just as easygoing as his parents, happily hanging out in the arms of people he was familiar with. While Shira disappeared into the dressing room, I sat with Jonah, telling him all about the dresses in the shop. Without warning, a pang of nostalgia struck so bone deep, it took my breath away. My baby sister, Madeleine, had been a chunk like Jonah. She'd had curls like his too, but where his were dark, hers had been strawberry blonde. From the beginning, she'd squirm and fuss, but when I'd hold her, she'd find my gaze and stare like she was mesmerized. My brother, Davis, had been long and lean, but oh, had he been a snuggler. Even as a wild toddler, he'd stop in the middle of a whirlwind to sit on my lap and nuzzle as close as he could get without living in my skin. If that had been an option, I was sure he would have taken it. Maddie would be turning eighteen this year. Eighteen. A whole adult. And I didn't know her. Davis was sixteen. Sometimes when I was driving, I wondered if we were on the road at the same time. Through Caroline, I'd seen pictures and gotten little updates, but that was it. I could have been nothing more than an internet stranger browsing their social media. I didn't know what their voices sounded like or if either had a boyfriend or girlfriend. I didn't know where Maddie planned to apply for college, or if Davis ever thought about me. I had never even met my youngest sister, Jane. I wondered if she even knew I existed. Losing them had been the greatest tragedy of my life. I would never get over it. Still, even after all this time, it hit me some days harder than others. Jonah wiggled in my arms, drawing my attention back to him, and I smiled. It was impossible not to. "I see you, big boy," I singsonged. "You are the sweetest boy in the world, aren't you? I'm going to eat your face off. That's what I'm going to do." Shira's laugh rang out as she left the dressing room. "Please don't eat my baby." "Just a little bite?" I lifted his hand to my mouth and pretended to nibble it. Clara returned with an armload of dresses, scanning Shira up and down. "Oh, wow. You look incredible in yellow. How do you feel?" She smoothed her hands over her midsection. "I don't know. Is my pooch too obvious?" Clara and I exchanged a glance. Even three months postpartum, Shira was tiny and had a body many women dreamed of, but she didn't always see herself the way others did. Roman had made a lot of inroads with her, convincing her how beautiful she was, but she was still working on it. "I don't see it," Clara said. "But if you're not comfortable in that cut, try another one. You'd look stunning in emerald." I raised Jonah's hand. "Your son votes for Mommy to wear green. He thinks that's a great idea." Shira laughed, all her self-doubt falling away. If she was confident about anything, it was being a mother. "If Jonah says so, I kind of have no choice." Clara sat beside me on the padded bench outside the dressing room, scrutinizing me. "You're in a better mood than usual." "Am I?" "Yes." She crossed her legs and gave me a sharp look that probably made men piss themselves in the boardroom. "You haven't given an update on Tore lately. Shira and I were talking about it and-" "You talk about me when I'm not around?" "All good things," she said breezily, running a finger along the curve of Jonah's cheek. "Now I'm gathering there's a reason you haven't brought him up, and it just so happens you look shiny and new today. I think something happened and you don't want to talk about it." My friends had gotten the rundown of Tore's explanation after our first meeting at his house, and they'd both been deeply sympathetic to what he'd gone through. But, after that, I hadn't brought him up again. And, as they were both busy women with a lot going on in their lives, they hadn't pried. Normally, I was an open book, but my feelings for this man were so convoluted, I didn't know where to begin. "If you think I don't want to talk about it, why are you asking?" She grabbed Jonah's foot, giving it a gentle shake. "Because I think you need to talk about it." Shira rushed out of the dressing room, looking like a goddess in green. "Not without me. I want to hear everything." Clara stood, circled Shira, and nodded sharply. "This is the one, babe. If you don't wear this dress to my wedding, I won't get married." She giggled breathlessly and twisted side to side, looking at herself in the wall of mirrors. "It fits me well, doesn't it? Of course, I'll have to get it hemmed since it's a foot too long, but otherwise..." "Like it was made for you," I agreed. "You're stunning. I don't think you'll find a better dress, but I'm game to keep watching you try them on." "No, I hate trying on clothes. I think this is the one." She pulled her gaze away from the mirror to look at me. "Now, let me get changed back into my clothes then tell me everything about Tore." We got sidetracked a few times-I tried on a few dresses too and found one I loved-but the four of us finally ended up tucked away at a small table in a nearby café. Jonah was fast asleep on Shira's chest, so I felt comfortable letting the details of last night fly without worrying his little ears would overhear. My friends were worldly women. Not much shocked them. Still, they both gaped at me as I came to the end of my story. "He chased you?" Shira asked. I nodded. "And caught me." Clara leaned forward. "That sounds..." "Hot?" I supplied. "Uh...yes. Hot." Then she added, "Crazy, fun, wild." "All those things." I grinned, picking up my matcha. "Are you coming up with honeymoon ideas for you and Jake?" Clara arched her brow. "I might be filing it away for later use." "But you didn't have sex?" Shira coaxed. I shook my head. "No. I think-no, I know I would have if he'd asked. But he didn't. He was really"-I paused, searching for the word-"gentlemanly? He kept checking in with me and making sure I was okay every step of the way." "Now that's hot," Shira said. "Consent King." I brought my straw to my mouth, taking a sip. "I think I really like him." Clara reached across the table to squeeze my hand. "That's pretty obvious, babe, and I love that for you. You haven't liked anyone since I've known you." I shrugged. "I've been on a couple bad dates, but you're right. No one has caught my interest the way he has. I'm trying not to get too excited, though." "Because of last time?" Shira asked. "That-of course that, but I also don't know if I'm capable of being in a real relationship." I put my cup down and sighed. "See? I'm already getting way ahead of myself. One good night, and I'm considering settling down with the man. Thank Nikola Jokić, he can't hear me now." Clara sputtered. "Nikola Jokić? Since when are you a basketball fan?" My eyes flared. "I work in a bar. The games are always on. Besides, have you seen the Denver Nuggets lineup? How can I not be a basketball fan?" Shira patted Jonah as he stirred. "I see the appeal, but I'm more into rugby myself." Considering Roman had played pro rugby and now co-owned part of Denver's team, it made sense. He'd taken us to a game, and while I was a big fan of the little shorts that showed off the players' massive thighs, I could take or leave the sport. Not that I'd ever admit that to Shira. Or Ben. Heaven help me, if I ever told Ben, I'd never hear the end of it. Clara sliced the air with both hands. "We're getting off topic. Let's return to Tore and Bea." "Yes, please." Shira's eyes were lit as they landed on mine. "You like him." "I do." Saying that out loud hit something tender in me. Today was the first time I'd truly admitted it, even to myself. Allowing myself to like this man made me vulnerable in a way I normally tried to avoid. I pressed my lips together to gather myself. "I'm going to see where it goes. But don't count on me asking you to be bridesmaids anytime soon." Clara raised a finger. "I'll be happily available for you whenever that happens. Just please, please don't ask me to wear ruffles. I love you, but not enough to wear ruffles." "What's wrong with ruffles?" Shira asked. "I like ruffles." The three of us cracked up, and right there, in that little café, Jonah snoring on Shira's chest and laughter warming the air around us, I promised them if I got married sometime in the distant future, they could pick out their own bridesmaid dresses. Discover our latest featured short drama reel. 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