Chapter 17 Finally, my paranoia had gotten the best of me. After Dorian took off for a business trip to London, I'd invited Janelle over one Saturday evening for an emergency analysis of the situation. As I waited for her to arrive, I ruminated about everything all over again. I could pinpoint the day Dorian had started acting strange. It was about two weeks ago, a little over three months after he and I had made a commitment to each other. He'd gone to work that morning without saying goodbye. Normally, he'd kiss me and whisper something in my ear. Then, with a smile, I'd roll over and go back to sleep. But that morning two weeks ago was the first time Dorian didn't wake me up. I would've thought nothing of it if the rest of the day hadn't also been strange. He didn't respond to my texts the way he usually did, and that night he told me he had to work late and didn't come home until almost midnight. Every day since had been more ominous than the last. A few days into his change in attitude, I'd confronted him about whether something was wrong. He said he'd encountered some unexpected hiccups at work and apologized in advance that he might not be able to give me the attention I deserved for a while. That night, we'd made love, but it had felt different-like Dorian's mind was somewhere else. He hadn't looked me in the eyes once or said anything. I tried to chalk it up to stress, which certainly can impede someone's ability to fully immerse themselves in a sexual experience. I went to sleep that night praying it was just one bad day. But the next day had been almost exactly the same. While he'd kissed me before he left for work that morning, he'd once again worked so late that I didn't get to see him until we lay in bed together. Things got progressively worse over the week that followed. Then a few days ago, Dorian had announced that he was going to have to travel to London for business. This was the first time he'd left me alone in this house since the day he arrived after his father's death. As much as I hadn't wanted to be alone and had dreaded his leaving, I had no choice but to accept it. I'd just wished I hadn't had the weird feeling that something was off before he had to go. It made me worry that perhaps he wasn't being forthright about the reason for the trip. Once Janelle arrived, she sat across from me in the kitchen, leaning her elbows on the table. I could tell by her face that I'd alarmed her. "Have you asked him directly if he's lying to you?" I shook my head. "I've been afraid to confront him about his change in behavior because I don't want him to think I don't trust him." "But clearly you don't." "I did trust him-until he changed." "Well, the sooner you bring it up with him, the better. You can't continue to live like this." "I know you're right. But I don't want to make things more difficult for him if he's going through a lot at work. I feel like I shouldn't start the conversation until he gets back." "That's your prerogative, if you can wait that long. It doesn't sound like you're handling the unknown very well." "Clearly not, but I don't think any serious conversation should happen while he's away. You can tell a lot by looking into someone's eyes." She nodded. "I agree with you there. When does he come home?" "He didn't give me an exact day, but I'm hoping by the end of this coming week." Janelle sighed. "For your sake, I hope so, too." I felt sick. Sometimes you don't need to be told when something is wrong. You just know. *** With each day that passed, I felt worse about my impending reunion with Dorian. I'd made up my mind to confront him the moment he got home. In the meantime, I'd decided to test the waters and see what would happen if I stopped initiating communication with him. After two days went by that he didn't call, my nervousness transformed into anger. On top of that, he'd yet to give me a clear answer on when he was returning from London. So the last thing I expected was for him to walk in the door before the end of the week. But that's what happened on Thursday evening. I'd just gotten out of the shower and jumped at the sight of Dorian standing in our bedroom. Hand on my chest, I gasped. "You scared the shit out of me." He looked down at his feet. "I'm sorry." Alarm bells sounded in my head. He hadn't initiated a hug or kiss. After such a long time away, you'd think he would've been more affectionate. "Why didn't you tell me you were coming home?" "I only realized this morning that I was booking a flight." "So you wanted to...surprise me? You nearly killed me from a heart attack." As I could now look in his eyes again, I was absolutely certain something had changed in him. Dread filled me, and every wall I could build around me went straight up. He hadn't spoken yet, but the worst had already been confirmed, even if I didn't understand it. This was not the Dorian I knew. The look in his eyes was hard to describe-a mix of despair and sheer blankness. Empty. Devoid of all emotion, but almost in a forced way. Like he wasn't allowing himself to feel anything for fear that if he did, he'd break. My heart felt like it was breaking. "I need you to tell me what's going on." His face reddened. His eyes became glassy. As Dorian Vanderbilt stood before me on the verge of tears, I sensed my world as I knew it was ending. His voice shook. "I'm so sorry, Rosebud." The only word I could conjure was, "Explain..." He looked down, then met my eyes again. "I can't do this anymore. I can't be in a relationship with you." The room swayed. I'd known in my gut that this might've been coming, but there was no way to prepare for those words. No way to prepare for the end of the only love I'd ever known. As I stood there in shocked silence, he continued. "It has nothing to do with you. You're amazing. I-" "Fuck you, with the it's-not-you-it's-me bullshit," I screamed, as my shock transformed suddenly to rage. "Fuck you for making me believe you loved me." "I'm not the right man for you," he said shakily. "I'm not built for this." "Built? What are you, a fucking robot?" A tear fell from his eye. "I need to end things now before they get more serious." "You're breaking up with me, and you don't have the decency to explain it in a way that makes sense? I need answers, Dorian. How long have you known? Because I remember the exact morning you changed. And you had sex with me that night. You knew you were going to end things, and you had sex with me anyway?" He shook his head as his voice trembled. "I didn't know anything for sure until I went away." My voice grew louder. "So your London trip had nothing to do with work, then? You just wanted to get away from me so you could figure out how to end it?" When he didn't answer, I felt something rising in my stomach. "I'm gonna be sick." When he took a step toward me, I whipped my hand out. "Don't touch me! Stay the fuck away from me!" With that, he began to sob. None of this made any sense. How could someone so callous also be crying at this moment? He didn't care about me, yet he was visibly upset? He raised his voice. "I know you don't want to hear this, but you have to let me say it." I closed my eyes and let him speak. "The last thing I want to do is hurt you," he said. "I would rather die. But continuing to be your boyfriend will mean hurting you even worse later. I know you were blindsided by this. And I won't ever forgive myself for it. But I only want what's best for you. And what's truly best for you is a life apart from me. I'll never be the man you deserve." He shook his head. "I do love you, Primrose." "You love me?" I screamed. "You love me?" "Yes," he muttered as he closed his eyes, tears falling down his cheeks. "As much as you might not be able to see it now, I'm breaking up with you because I love you. It's very possible to love someone but know you're not the right person for them. I'm setting you free because I love you." "How exactly does someone wake up one day and realize he's not the man for someone he claims to love?" "I can't explain it in a way you'll understand. I don't even fully understand it." I paced. "What happened from one day to the next?" I whirled on him. "You don't love me. You couldn't possibly love me." But then a wave of grief washed over me. "Oh my God. I can't believe this is happening...with you. I can't believe you're doing this. I really thought you were it for me." I felt a panic attack coming on. "I need to get out of here." He followed. "I'll give you whatever you need-" "Fuck you!" I spewed, eyes blurry with tears. "I'm not taking shit from you!" I began throwing random things into a bag. "You need to let me help you," he insisted. I whipped around and pointed my finger at him. "I'd rather die than let you pay for me to leave. I'll be fine. I'll stay with Janelle until I can find a place. I don't need you or your filthy money." He continued to walk behind me. "Where are you going? You can't leave upset. Please. You need to let me-" I turned around one last time. "I don't need to do anything with you anymore. I just ask that you not be here during the day this weekend. I'll be coming back to get my stuff in shifts." Dorian hung his head and muttered, "Whatever you need." After going outside to get some air, I returned about ten minutes later and finished packing an overnight bag as fast as I could. Thankfully, Dorian had left my room, and I didn't find him to say goodbye before I ran to my car. But before I could start the engine, I laid my head on the steering wheel and sobbed one final time. *** By Sunday, Janelle's brothers had just about transported all of my belongings into a truck and carted them off. Thank God for her and her family; they were all I had at this point. I'd texted Benjamin to let him know I'd be stopping to say goodbye to him and Patsy, if they wanted to meet me in the guest house. Dorian had left multiple messages asking if he could help in any way, and I'd ignored them all. The guest house door opened before I had a chance to knock. Patsy and Benjamin had apparently seen me coming. I could only imagine the pity they felt. Patsy must've been thinking, I told you so. Benjamin held out his arms, and I fell into his embrace. Patsy then hugged me from behind. The three of us had become a team in those weeks after Remington and Christina died. It made me so sad to leave them. When they let me go, I asked, "Have either of you spoken to him?" "I won't be speaking to him." Patsy grimaced. "I have nothing good to say to Dorian after he hurt you." "He came by to see me last night," Benjamin said. I looked down at the floor and let him continue. "He seemed very distraught. I'm not happy about the fact that he misled you. But I do care about his well-being. I can't help that, since I've known him for so long. It was very sad to see him in that state. Hurting you has definitely had a profound effect on him. But I'm happy he didn't waste any more of your time." "That's for damn sure," Patsy muttered. "Does Janelle have room for all of your things?" Benjamin asked. "You're welcome to keep some items here." "Thankfully they do seem to have the space. Her dad is letting me keep most of my stuff in his garage until I can find a place. I'll be crashing with them for now." Benjamin nodded. "If you need anything at all, please let me know." "Thank you." I didn't have the heart to tell them I never planned to set foot anywhere near this mansion again. But I could always meet them somewhere. I promised to keep in touch with them, so long as they never mentioned Dorian. I didn't want to know if he eventually met someone. I didn't want to know anything. Before I left, they agreed. As I drove off of the property that day, with Janelle's brother in his truck behind me, I felt a heaviness in my chest at the finality of it all. And soon after moving in with Janelle's family, I realized it would take more than leaving the mansion to heal me. Being here in Orion Coast, so close to Dorian, with the threat of running into him at any given moment, was too much to handle. I'd lost focus at school and was only wasting money as my ability to create art became stifled in the wake of my broken heart. After finishing the semester, I made the difficult decision to move back to Cincinnati. I'd drive my car to Ohio and pray it made it there in one piece. At least in Ohio I had some extended family. It made more sense to move back home than to start fresh in an entirely foreign place. The day I drove out of Orion Coast for the final time, I decided to take a route past the mansion-one final goodbye from afar. I wouldn't stop in, of course. Just drive by. While I was thankful not to see Dorian as I passed, something else unexpected met my eyes: a for-sale sign. In a romance-themed observation show, several participants undergo a series of interactions and conflicts filled with love, misunderstandings, and power struggles. In the end, one couple rises to over...