Chapter 24 He was going to kiss me...I'm sure of it. Noah Downsby was actually going to kiss me. And instead of letting him, I panicked. Like a total idiot. Don't get me wrong, I wanted to kiss him. Badly. I can't stop thinking about the way those dark eyes of his were fixed on my mouth, about how his hands twisted in the jacket he held around me, the scent of his warm skin mingling with the salty sea-breeze swirling around me as he leaned closer, his body radiating heat and tension. In that moment, all I wanted to do was lean in and lose myself in him. But instead of trusting my instincts and doing just that, some deep-rooted fear in me made me clam up to the point where I found myself breaking away instead of moving closer. After I totally killed the moment by doing that, Noah and I went back inside and acted like nothing happened-because, unfortunately, nothing did happen-and the next day, the boys flew to Denver for the first of two back-to-back games on the road. Which has left me with way too much time on my hands at home alone to think about Noah's full lips, and how I can't believe I didn't let myself find out if they're really as soft as they look. Even Harry is miserable. He won't stop scratching at Noah's door. "Hello, earth to Allegra?" Cora waves a hand in front of my face, and I snap out of my reverie. "Oh, sorry." I blink at my new friend, a flush rising on my cheeks as I shrug on my cropped puffer jacket and shrug off my thoughts of Noah. "I was lost in thought." "Um, I can see that." Cora smirks at me, bringing her hands up to smooth a strand of auburn hair that escaped her slicked-back bun. "I was asking you if you wanted to grab some dinner with me and a couple of friends. We're going for sushi." We both just finished up teaching classes for the day, and the invite makes me smile. "I love sushi. That would be great." What I don't add aloud is that this is extra good timing because my roommates aren't home until tomorrow. Going for sushi this evening will be a welcome distraction from the constant thoughts about Halloween night that have been swirling in my mind since the boys left. "Yay!" Cora links her arm through mine. "You'll love my friends, I'm sure." The sushi place is just a couple of blocks away, so we walk there together, Cora babbling away about her friends and her upcoming audition while I listen contentedly. When we reach the hole-in-the-wall restaurant, Cora leads me through the narrow, dimly lit space to a back corner booth where a group of girls are already assembled, most of them probably a couple of years older than me. "Guys, this is Ally," she announces with a gesture in my direction. "She's also a dance teacher, and she just moved here recently. So, she needs friends." "Well, that's one way to introduce me," I say. Cora smirks. "True, though, isn't it?" "Hi," one of the girls, a blonde, says brightly as she shimmies over to make room for me on the bench seat. "I'm Bea, and please excuse my friend Cora's big mouth." "Gladly," I reply with a grin as I slide into the booth. "She's a weirdo, but we love her, anyway," a pretty girl with box braids in a Berkeley sweatshirt pipes up. "I'm Mira, by the way." I'm pleased when much of the evening continues this way. We order an assortment of rolls and sashimi, and as we eat, everyone laughs and jokes together easily. The girls are clearly close friends who are comfortable with how they fit into their group, teasing and making fun of each other-and themselves-in a way that feels good natured, with no mean undertones. It's the type of group I could see myself fitting into. I adore the guys, but it's really nice to have some female company again, too. I was always a girls' girl until all of my friends back in Georgia stopped speaking to me-something I can't believe I confessed to Noah the other night. I had a moment of hesitation where I was worried he'd judge me or think I was being dramatic, but he was really sweet. More than sweet, in fact... "So where do you live, Allegra?" Mira asks as she swipes a dynamite roll with her chopsticks. "Pacific Heights," I answer, pouring more soy sauce into my ramekin. Mira nods in clear appreciation. "Ooh, nice. I have a friend who lives in that area. She's a grad student at Berkeley, but writing her dissertation right now. She's renting in this really cool building with all these industrial loft apartments. It's gorgeous, I wish I could afford to live there." She frowns, like something annoying just popped into her head. "Although she lives right underneath a bunch of rowdy guys, so she's had a couple of sleepless nights from their parties." I bite down on my bottom lip as I remember Penn mentioning the girl from downstairs giving him hell after our last party for the noise interrupting her late-night studying. Plus, Mira's description of her friend's building also sounds eerily familiar-and there aren't a lot of buildings like it in our area. "I think that might be my roommates," I admit with a grimace. Every mouth around the table falls open. "Shut up!" Cora proclaims. "I've known you for, like, a month now and you've never mentioned you live with a bunch of guys." I shrug. "They all play for the San Francisco Lions. I went to college with one of them." "So not just any guys, but professional hockey players?" my friend practically squawks. "Yup." "I'm going to need names," Bea demands, reaching for her phone, clearly about to google them all. I shake my head, laughing. "Noah Downsby, Penn Matthews, Archibald Fisher." As the girls start squealing over my "certified hottie" roommates, Cora leans towards me, her brows arched. "You are a serious dark horse, Ally, you know that?" This makes me laugh. "They're just regular dudes-loud, messy, and smelly, like any other guys." But even as I say the words, I know they're not true. I haven't paid attention to the way Penn and Fisher smell, but Noah always smells incredible. "Have you ever hooked up with any of them?" Bea asks, eyes wide. Visions of Noah immediately dance through my mind-his broad shoulders and muscular ass bared under the spray of the shower when I accidentally walked in on him, his eyes surreptitiously moving over my body when we were in the hot tub, him pressed against me as we danced in our living room for that dare, and most of all, his hot, needy expression as he leaned towards me on the rooftop, breath hitching... "No," I blurt. Mira sputters a laugh. "You totally have. Which one?" "No, I promise I haven't," I protest. Cora shakes her head, arms crossed. "I don't believe you for a second." I hold my hands up in surrender, then cross my finger over my heart. "Not lying." "But you're hot for one of them?" Mira guesses, waggling her eyebrows. Practically burning alive. "I mean, duh," I say as casually as I can, scooping my hair over one of my shoulders. "They're all gorgeous." This makes the table break out in laughter and murmured agreement, and I relax a little, having successfully maneuvered myself out of the conversational spotlight for a moment. And then, of course, my phone has to go and light up on the table in front of me with a text in our "Loft 3B" group chat. "Is that one of them?" Cora's eyes are wide and sparkling. Penn You holding up okay without us, Ally? "It is," I tell my friend, smiling as I type out a reply to Penn. Ally Haven't been forced to eat a single vegetable for two days. It's been glorious. Fisher I'm going to DoorDash you some green juice right this second so Downsby doesn't lose his mind worrying about you and your health. For some reason, even the mention of Noah's name on the screen in front of me has my heart jumping into my chest. I watch intently, hoping to see the little dots pop up indicating that Noah's typing a snappy response, but nothing comes through. I swallow down my disappointment and type out what I hope sounds like a joke-y, nonchalant response. Ally Aww, no need to worry about me, Noah. My health is perfect. You guys just focus on winning your game tonight, I'll be watching it on TV. Good luck! Flipping my phone face down on the table, I refocus on the conversation, enjoying the girls' company, but distracted by thoughts of Noah. Where's his head at right now? Is he disappointed I pulled away, or is this only a big deal in my stupid mind and he hasn't given it a single thought since? The idea of that stings more than it should. At the end of the evening, I hug the girls and gladly agree to have dinner again with them soon. As Cora and I walk back to the dance studio, where our vehicles are still parked, she eyes me curiously. "Did we pry into your personal life too much tonight?" I smile and shake my head. "Nah, not at all. I had fun." "There's more to it, though, right? With your roommates...or one of them, in particular?" Maybe it's the fact that I have been alone in the loft for the past couple of days with nobody to talk to, or the fact that I haven't had a girlfriend in a while now, or the fact that I'm really confused at Noah's lack of responsiveness in the group chat, but I find myself wanting to talk about it. "Noah," I admit. "I like him. And...he almost kissed me the other night." Cora quirks a brow. "Why the 'almost'?" I shrug, stuffing my hands farther into my coat pockets. "I chickened out. Broke the moment." "Why the hell would you do that?" "We're roommates. We have to live together." "So?" Cora widens her eyes like I'm ridiculous for not giving into this, and maybe she's right. "I don't want it to ruin our friendship," I hedge, because I can hardly tell her that I didn't kiss him because I was scared. And almost worse, that I know deep down my fear was not of Noah, or of anything he might do-I trust him; I know implicitly that I'm safe with him-but that my fear was of myself. Of cracking open a part of me I've locked away for so many months now, pushed away to lie dormant within a dark corner of myself so it can't hurt me again. It's been one thing to let myself feel desire and want for Noah since I moved into the loft. To imagine what it would be like with him. But as I discovered on Halloween night, it's a totally different thing to actually let myself act on that desire. To be physical in any kind of way with someone again-even if it doesn't go any further than kissing. It's a discovery I don't like one bit. One that makes me feel like I'm malfunctioning or something. "Is he a good guy?" Cora asks. I don't even have to think before answering, "He is. He's such a good man." She nods at this. "Then you should go for it." She winks at me. "Because you obviously trust him, and because damn it, that man is fine." "That, he is," I agree. Cora groans as she adjusts the strap of her purse on her shoulder. "You're living everyone's dream, my girl. A hot athlete who's actually your friend and he's a good guy who will treat you nicely...living in the same loft as you. I mean, what more could you want? Carpe diem. Seize the hockey player." I snort with laughter, but honestly? Cora's words have the cogs in my brain turning. As if on cue, my phone pings, and I fish it out of my pocket. My stomach swooshes dangerously when I see it's from him. A direct text message, not in our group chat, for my eyes only. Noah Just for the record, Ally, I will never not worry about you. His words settle over me heavily, making me feel like I'm wrapped in a protective blanket and jumping out of a plane all at once. And the reality of the situation hits me square in the chest: Cora is right. Noah is amazing. He's kind, he's protective, and he's a gentleman. One who will treat me with respect. So maybe the secret to fixing my fears is not to run from them, but face them. I can't let myself live my whole life being scared. Because screw Tyler. He doesn't get to have a say in the person I am. Of how I view myself, of how I want to live my life. Maybe it's time for me to stop holding myself back out of fear, and instead let myself lean in with a person I know I can trust-and a person I trust myself with. Someone who'll make me feel safe and sexy at the same time, but more than that, make me feel okay with that. Because if there's one thing I know for a fact, it's this: I want Noah Downsby. In the worst way. Discover our latest featured short drama reel. Watch now and enjoy the story!