Chapter 12 Watching Harmony walk away while I stood back was one of the hardest things I'd ever done. Not the hardest, but it rattled me how badly I needed reassurance that we hadn't done her any harm. I had to at least make sure she made it to her car okay, and once she ducked into the driver's seat and wheeled out of the parking lot, I released a tense breath. Absolute quiet settled over me when the drone of her engine faded. Where was she staying? What if something happened to her on her way home? The loose, satisfied feeling I'd experienced in the moments following our sexual encounter dissolved, leaving my muscles tense and unyielding. My jaw worked in time with my steps, and by the time I walked into Roberto's office, the threat of exposure loomed overhead with unyielding strength. Matthew sat in the chair where we'd emptied ourselves onto Harmony. A lazy smile appeared, but it fell away when he took stock of my expression. "What?" Roberto walked out from behind the desk, holding out a bottle of water he'd taken from the small refrigerator. "I thought you'd at least wait until tomorrow to look that way." "Tomorrow?" I shook my head. "We made a mistake." Having sex with Harmony had felt right. Too right. Guilt clawed through me, leaving behind gaping wounds. My heart jackhammered in my chest as I fought the sense of regret. I took the bottle from Roberto and cracked the seal, drinking half of it before I slammed it onto the desk and took stock of the room. Matthew remained calm, his clothes rumpled and hair wild. Roberto wore a satisfied smile that flickered into concern. His desk was a mess of crumpled papers and prints from my ass and Harmony's hands. I heard her groans, her cries as she climaxed, and my balls tightened as I forced air into my lungs. It smelled like Harmony. And sex. Fuck. I wanted her again. Some wretched part of me wasn't satisfied with a once-and-done. I bottled up that growing piece and stuffed it down into oblivion. "What's this really about?" Matthew sat forward, bracing his elbows on his knees. I ran a hand through my hair, my nails scraping my scalp hard enough to sting. I did it again, using the flashes of pain to ground my thoughts. "I shouldn't be having sex. Not with Harmony. Not with anyone." The vows I'd made to my wife remained valid. Even in death, I owed her my loyalty and utmost dedication. No one could take her place. She'd been the love of my life. My one and only. Fucking Harmony relieved the ache in my body, but not the one in my heart. "Why?" Roberto sat on the edge of the desk with one leg pulled up so his foot dangled over the corner. Confusion knitted his bushy brows together. He gripped his calf and brought his leg higher onto the desk. "I'm a widower." Wasn't that a good enough reason? Aside from that, Harmony was our student. We had a responsibility to protect her, even if that meant protecting her from us. "I shouldn't have feelings for anyone else." "Ah." Roberto sipped his water, his expression carefully blank. "You feel guilty." "Yes." Good. Now that they understood, we could move past this. My chest ached, and I rubbed at the throbbing pain over my heart. "I'm about to piss you off, but I hope you'll understand I say this with all the love I can muster." Matthew remained seated, but there was a threat to the words that I almost couldn't comprehend. "Your wife died. Your baby girl died. You didn't." My body went stiff. He didn't understand. His fiancée left him, breaking his heart, but there was a difference in our losses. I saw my wife in my mind, the joyous way she'd smiled when she told me about the pregnancy. The image slipped forward several months, to the sight of her in the hospital bed. Cold. Lifeless. Our baby girl in her embrace. The doctors had explained everything to me, but I hadn't heard a word. That came later. When the ringing in my ears ceased and the first wave of denial turned into anger, I demanded an explanation. They'd walked me through it again, and again. Through a pain so unbearable I'd gotten lost in the abyss, I'd understood the truth. My wife and baby girl were gone for good. I'd sworn then and there to never love anyone else. I would not survive a loss like that again. "That's the point." My fist met Roberto's desk with a resounding thud that rattled up my arm. I clenched my hand tighter and slammed it down a second time. "My wife is dead. The love of my life. I swore to love her forever." Matthew's jaw locked. He stood but didn't move closer. "And you will." He met my gaze, his unflinching. "It does not make you disloyal by having feelings for Harmony." "How can you say that? She's our student." I pounded my fist onto the desk again. It didn't help the riot of emotions, but the pain helped ground me. I focused on that and not the way I craved the feel of Harmony wrapped around me. Every breath of sex-soaked air brought her back to me. "I agree that it's not ideal." Roberto put a hand on Matthew's shoulder, gently guiding him toward the chair. Matthew sat on the arm of the chair. Tension corded his wiry frame, and I was reminded of how gently he'd treated Harmony. There was more to this situation than simply sex. We never did anything halfway. For all of us to fall like this was unheard of. "She's legal." Matthew stated it with cold clarification. "Even if that doesn't make it right by the school's code and policy, Harmony wanted us." His eyes glazed, and I wondered if he was remembering Harmony and the hours we'd spent pleasing her. I certainly was. "He's right. Harmony was genuinely interested in us." Roberto nudged me back a step when I moved toward Matthew. Whatever he saw in my expression caused his face to cloud over. "She would want you to be happy, Stephen." "Don't." I held up a hand to ward off the words. I didn't want to hear them, didn't deserve to even think them. "You don't have to punish yourself, Stephen." Matthew stood again. "If taking it back to our college days and sharing a woman is what it takes, then I'm all for it." "Agreed. This may be exactly what you need to get you out of your rut." Roberto pointed at me, then at Matthew. "And you." "Me?" Matthew thumbed his chest, his brows arched. "What about me?" "You've been moping around since your fiancée broke off your engagement. Coming home at night is like walking into a tomb." He caught the way I flinched and grimaced. "Sorry. Poor choice of words. But you understand my meaning. I opened my home to you both, and I'm glad to have the company." "But we're dragging you down, is that it?" Matthew turned his righteous indignation on Roberto. "Are we destroying your play time? You can't bring a new woman home every night because of your two sad roommates?" "Enough." Roberto slashed his hands through the air. His face twisted into a look I recognized. He'd reached his limit, and we were about to see the Roberto who held our entire fucking group together. "You're acting like assholes. Both of you." He jammed a finger into my chest, then Matthew's. "You're hurting. I get it. You lost women you love. I'm not saying you can replace either of them." He scowled at Matthew. "You were the one who said Harmony might help Stephen. Same goes for you." "Yeah? What about that pesky little rule that says we could all lose our fucking jobs if anyone finds out?" I crossed my arms to keep from hitting the desk again. Losing control didn't help our situation, even if the pain made me feel better. Roberto's small office closed in with a claustrophobic shrinking that tightened my grip on my arms. "I'm prepared to take that risk." Roberto stood with his hands loose by his sides. A tiny smile raised one side of his mouth. "Do you really regret what happened tonight, or are you running on guilt?" "I ..." I tried to deny the guilt, but what else was I supposed to feel? "Isn't it wrong for me to sleep with anyone else? I still love my wife." "And you lost her and your baby girl in childbirth." Roberto said it slowly, quietly, with the kind of precision that drew out his accent. "It was a tragedy, the kind of pain I would not wish on anyone. Not even my worst enemy. But tonight." He shook his head. "Tonight, you were happy. We were all happy. I am not ready to give that up." "Roberto makes a good point." Matthew joined in the argument again, this time with more gusto. "We nearly lost you too. In those first few months, I didn't know if you'd survive. And you've been a shell ever since." With good reason. I tried to say it, but too much pressure on my chest locked my voice. Grief and anger swirled. Some days, I thought I might be coming out the other side, but there were always moments like this when the crushing weight of it all took me out at the knees. I locked my legs to keep from wavering. "It took weeks to convince you to come to New York and teach here." Roberto spread his hands wide. The office wasn't much, but it had always reminded me of our friendship. Roberto kept a single picture of us from college on the shelf behind his desk. Our wide smiles mocked me. Back then, I hadn't known the power of grief and loss. I'd been a kid with the whole world waiting for me. "You barely did more than eat and sleep that first year, and there were times I thought we'd have to force feed you." Matthew patted me on the shoulder. "But that's what friends do for each other. And that's why I need you to understand that we're not trying to hurt you." "We would never try to take away your loss or your love," Roberto added. "But I am asking you to consider the slim possibility that what you're feeling for Harmony is real." "Do you have feelings for her?" I aimed a hard look at Roberto. He raised one shoulder. "It's too early to tell. I'm merely asking that you don't drive yourself back into that pit because you think you've been disloyal to your wife." These two men pulled me from the deepest, darkest hell on earth. They stood by me when I raved and wished I was dead. They gave me hope when all seemed lost. To throw all that back in their faces tonight after the extreme pleasure we'd found with Harmony was another kind of betrayal. I had to make a choice. Accept what we'd done and the fact that I had enjoyed it, or beat myself up and fall back into that world of pain. "I have to get out of here." I couldn't think straight with Harmony's smell in my nose. It was all over my body, muddling my brain and refusing to leave. "I'll see you at home." I walked out without a backward glance. Did I want to sleep with Harmony again? Absolutely. If things were different-if we were not at risk and my heart wasn't still completely shattered-I would have asked her to come home with us. What the hell was wrong with me? A single mother returns to the city she left seven years ago after breaking up with her ex to seek treatment for her son’s leukemia. Upon learning of her return, the ex immediately searches for the lo...