Oh yeah. We have this. Or rather, I have a huge problem. Still, I manage to nod easily. He smiles and lowers his eyes. He looks at my lips for a little too long and since I seem to be completely insane, I open them a bit. I am aware that it is tantamount to an invitation. But maybe it should be one? I really can't judge it and that's enough as a clear sign that I really should go to bed real quick. Something is wrong with me. But Zaret seems to have more self-control. He just lets out an annoyed sound before looking me in the eye again. And with that he makes me feel like I should explain myself. At least somehow. But I can't think of anything. How should it? I perceive his hands too strongly for that. How these give me support. In addition, the hardness, which has now grown completely and rubs against my middle. I know I'm making a huge mistake here. It's probably just the situation that gives me the illusion of attraction. But I can't resist it right now. I'm far too tired for that. Too drained. My pulse is racing more and more and Zaret tilts his head slightly. Will he see my fight? God what I would give if he just kissed me. But that's probably what he's after. that I can get to him. By now I should be able to think more clearly again. That thought should bring me down. But he doesn't. And since I don't have the energy to keep fighting, I lean forward. I gently pull my lips out of Zarets and take a deep breath. Now he has really won. He got me where he wanted. And as if he was just waiting for it, he growls with relish. But Zaret returns my kiss only briefly before it breaks. "You're making it too easy for me, Kalota." He bites my lower lip lightly and pulls on it. "It took me three tries for you to let me get close to you again," he whispers and kisses me again on the mouth and automatically I adapt to his movement. Despite the words, Zaret lets me feel this softness. But I heard the content of what was said. That he was just playing with me again. And that hurts. There's that feeling again, being used to be. So I just close my eyes in resignation. I'm so stupid. Zaret is right. I survived. But at what price? Zaret's mouth twists slightly and his gaze lingers on the salty drop for a little too long. It's almost as if it doesn't leave him cold. As if it's up to him that he's made me feel this wretched grief again. But this time he can save himself that. "I've shown you often enough that I'm not your white knight, Kalota." Zaret only seems to be able to tear himself away from the sight of the tear with difficulty in order to look me in the eye again. And so maybe he doesn't see my exhale in disgust. White knight. As if I would even begin to believe that such a thing is withheld from me. But whatever it is about the salty drop that bothers Zaret, it must be bad. He releases a hand on my thigh and it is probably only thanks to the water that I remain in the position. I would love to push myself away from Zaret. But I can't swim. So I have no choice but to endure his nearness. No matter how much this hurts me. Even when he gently wipes the tear from my cheek with his thumb, the touch doesn't feel right. It's not even because his fingers are freezing. No, all of a sudden this tenderness seems like a lie. Still, I let him bury his hand in my hair. "Listen, I'm trying to protect you and I'll do my best to tend your wounds if Xerxes hurts you again." He leans his forehead against mine and all I can do is listen. Actually, what he says should make me happy. But it doesn't. It just shows me that I will never be granted everything. I will never have the whole package to live a happy life. "But I won't catch you if you fall." Zaret couldn't have hurt me less had he struck. All he says right now is that he promises me physical support, but he doesn't care about my insides. And that makes my heart clench. After all, that is exactly what needs to be protected. But I never asked Zaret to do that either. Never believed in it He's knocked the ground out from under my feet too many times for that. So I just shake my head. "I don't want you to catch me either." It is not quiet right. I would accept any help. Every little finger that stretches towards me. But that's not what it is all about here. I just had a different drive. "Rather?" His forehead is still on mine and Zaret takes a deep breath before slowly pulling away from me. Looking at me quizzically, once again making me feel like he really cares about what I have to say. And I don't know what it is. Probably the cold that's slowly eating its way into my brain, but right now all I want to do is tell the truth. "Do you remember our conversation just before I was raped?" He smiles slightly and seems to be remembering how he showed me with just a few words that I had never felt real closeness. I know this as payment. As intimidation. As an indemnity. But never for the simple reason of connection. "Yes, I remember that." God, why does Zaret sound so nice? I'd really prefer it if he yelled at me right now. Or exudes contempt. Something that keeps me at a distance. But nothing of the sort can be seen in him. And so I can only continue to get naked. "I want that." It's dangerous to tell Zaret that. I'm just showing him something from my world of thoughts. In fact, I'd rather tell that to Xerxes. At least he understands me. But Xerxes is not here. "I would also like to fly once, because one person makes me forget everything," I whisper, and with that another tear steals from my eye. But this time I wipe them away vigorously. Damn, why does it hurt so much to say that? Zaret says nothing. just look at me But I'm grateful he doesn't laugh at me. It's just a minor downer, but I've learned to appreciate those, too. And so I curl my lips into a smile. It probably looks more than a little distressed, but that doesn't matter. I don't need to hide my pain anymore. "But maybe I'll get that one day, won't I?" The sentence sounds more cynical than intended, but even that doesn't elicit a reaction from Zaret. He looks rather angry. Or annoyed? I can't really assess it and above all I don't care. I close my eyes and want to collect myself for a moment. But this time it's not far. Just a few millimeters. "Don't you think that the pity number always pulls now," he growls and now grabs my thighs with both hands again. Tightens the grip and leans forward again. That removes what little resistance there is between us and I can't help but grin. No, this is definitely not played. Zaret must notice my smile. Not even a second later he pinches my thigh. I immediately squeak, but even in this tone there is joy. However, that seems to be enough for Zaret. He grunts contentedly and wants to press his mouth even harder on mine. But this time I break free. "So tears are your weakness, yes?" I bite my bottom lip hard to hide my stupid grin. It does not work. Zaret gives me a warning look, but the glint in his eyes belies his seriousness. And so my heart jumps happily in my chest. This is a win. Just a small one. And yet it is another victory on my side. God how does this man send me into deep sadness and a second later make me smile? It's all madness. "Don't be embarrassed," I whisper, lightly stroking Zaret's cheek. "Everyone has something they like. You're like that." I shrug while Zaret just raises an eyebrow in disbelief. And there's that enormous presence from him again. The one that keeps intimidating me. But there is still warmth in his eyes. Still, I can only look at him as he leans toward me again. "Just shut up, Kalota." He bites my lower lip lightly and if I just had something like the upper hand, it's over now. Zaret has regained control and digs his teeth a little deeper into my skin. Elicits a gasp from me. Only then does it slowly dissolve. But stay close to me. "Not that you can't live with the echo," he mutters and his lips are on mine again. Immediately, his tongue meets mine, and just as Zaret took the lead in the conversation, so does the kiss. Every movement is decisive. But I do not care. I'm only too happy to submit. And as I bury my hands in his hair, a slight twitch stops me. I immediately break away from Zaret and look around. We are moving. But not out of the water, Zaret lets himself drift. He only pushes himself off the ground for a short time, just so that we can continue to be washed away by the masses of water. I immediately look behind me. Look in the distance for where we entered the river, but everything looks the same. Damn, how long have we been moving? "What are you doing?" I have a hard time turning back to Zaret. But he doesn't seem to want to explain himself directly. Instead, he lets us drift on and on and I can only shake my head in disbelief. "Zaret! Our things are over there ." He looks behind me and doesn't change his expression. So really, how can he be so composed? Surely he can't be serious? It would be ironic if I went to the crime forest and died of frostbite and not at the hands of an exiled man. "We'll find them again later." And with that he pushes himself off the ground again and can only exhale in disbelief. After? What kind of statement is that? But instead of listening to all my rebukes, Zaret talks: "I have to move. " Clear. It would have been too easy if we had walked up and down the river bank. Or just out. Finally, my wounds should now be cleansed. But instead of saying that, I just purse my lips in a pout and shiver again. Now I seem to feel the cold more. A kind of numbness got hold of me and that clearly shows that we have to get out of the water slowly. Actually, we've been in here way too long. But I don't say anything, just look around. Take in the beauty of nature. How the moonlight is reflected in the water and even the small stars can be seen in it. The noise is getting stronger and is really booming in my ears and I look around in amazement. Something is changing. The masses of water seem somehow restless. I can't really explain it. "What's that?" I scream and frown. But I can't see what explains this new noise. And so my questioning look falls on Zaret. He smiles slightly and that's enough to make me feel uneasy "It's a waterfall." And that's where the penny drops for me. I immediately look around again and now I recognize the typical features. That the cold water seems to flow faster. Somewhat more straightforward. And thus shows me that we are flushed directly to the waterfall. "We have to go." My voice cracks and it's still drowned out by the loud crackling. I don't care. I want to push off from Zaret. Total nonsense. I can't even swim. But my instinct to flee is stronger at this moment "But Zaret won't let me go. Just tightens the grip and that makes my heart pound painfully in my chest. "What...", I can't get any further when Zaret shakes his head. Leans in until his lips brush my ear. I guess I want to make sure I can hear the words too. "We jump." And that takes my breath away for a moment. he's crazy Completely insane. I've always suspected it, but that gives me certainty. Nobody in their right mind would jump down a waterfall. What the hell is wrong with him? He's welcome to do that, but then without me. Let Zaret throw himself to his death. I want to live. really live. With all the damn lows and highs. I want to say all this, but my lips remain closed. I can only look at Zaret. "You wanted to fly? Now you can experience it for yourself, little Kalota." The smile is clearly audible and I seem to be frozen. I can hardly pump air into my lungs. And with that he pulls me closer to him. I automatically embrace him my legs his hips stronger. Claw my neck. And yet I can only shake my head in panic. Zaret is probably just joking with me. He can't do that. And Zaret whirls around with the thought. I scream . Close your eyes convulsively. The noise seems to be everywhere. Fills the air. A jerk goes through me. A strong push. Then we jump. **** I want to scream Channeling my fear through it. But there is no sound from me. All I can hear is the water pouring down and the rushing in my ears. Zaret is still with me and I have closed my eyes. Just hold on to him while I guess I'm just about to die of heart failure. We will never survive this. He sent us both to our deaths. And despite all these thoughts, I get a tingling sensation in my stomach. None caused by excitement. And the cold isn't to blame this time either. It's something else that triggers it. Something I can't believe. But it feels nice in a way. As we fall and the ground pulls us relentlessly closer, adrenaline washes over me. Makes me forget all my wounds my panic Just me and the air whistling around us. There is no way out. No way out. I can't run away or defend myself here. Just fall and accept my fate. And with that, my mind disconnects. Completely. As my body braces for impact, my soul levitates. For the first time I feel something like freedom - I feel And as the tingling spreads to the tips of my fingers, Zaret pulls me even closer. hugs me His arms are wrapped around my back. But there is no pain. Just that intoxicating feeling. So I take a deep breath. For the first time in a long time, there is no weight off my shoulders. This is gone. With the jump, the weight just fell off me. Zaret shows me what it's like to let go. To be free. For just a few seconds, he reveals to me what it's like to be completely free of worries. A few seconds that mean everything to me. Then comes the crash. The crackling is replaced by a loud clapping. A pain shoots through me, but immediately disappears again in the swamp of adrenaline. Suddenly there is no more air around me. No Zaret. Just water. All over. It's ringing in my ears and I immediately start wriggling my legs and arms in panic. i want to go upstairs But it doesn't work. The water pushes me deeper and deeper. I widen my eyes. I want to see something, but I'm not allowed to. Everywhere darkness is immersed in a play of small air bubbles. I have to be near the waterfall. And it is this that pushes me deeper into the blackness of the lake. Relentless. But I'm not ready to give up just yet. And so I keep walking. But I don't know where to go anymore. I've lost my bearings. The whirlpool spins me around. Makes everything blur. And with that comes the cold again. The just so beautiful tingling disappears. Brings numbness to my limbs. It's getting harder and harder for me to move. The resistance of the water seems to me to increase every second. I look around in panic, looking for Zaret. He has to get me out of here. I can't make it God it's so cold. My lungs start to burn as I feel like I'm going to turn to ice. But the flames are not warming. you hurt me make me scream But you can't hear it. Only big bubbles sneak out of my mouth. Sliding tickling over my face. But nobody hears me. No helping hand. And with that, my last attempt to get myself out of the raging masses of water expires. I let myself drift. Press deeper from the water masses and can only keep your eyes open for a moment. But there is nothing to see. Everywhere just water. Black water. It's almost as if I've been dipped in tar. And as I give up, lightness fills me. The cold fades and a beautiful warmth appears in its place. Takes me in and makes me forget where I am. Only this feeling of floating remains. Puts a slight smile on my lips. A sweet voice calls out to me to stop fighting. I could just catch my breath. Then I would be able to put out the flames covering my lungs. The water will also take away my last pain. I shake my head. I want to tell the voice that I want to live a little more, but I can't. The soft sound caresses me. Transfigures my thoughts So I open my mouth. A final bubble of oxygen sneaks its way across my face. Leaves such a comfortable feeling and then I breathe in. Let the cold water enter my windpipe. The embers go out. Something grabs my wrist. drags me with it I would like to shake it off. But it seems impossible for me to move. The voice calls that I should hurry. I should once again pump the water deep into me. I want the offspring. But just as I'm about to give in to the reflex of inhaling once more, there's no more wetness around me. And so my attempt ends in coughing. A shiver runs over me and water runs down my lips. The just so pleasant coolness in my windpipe turns into poison. Poison, which urgently needed to get out of me. So I have another coughing fit. A gagging. My body really tenses up and it seems as if it just wants to squeeze the water out. It seems to work. Another load leaves my mouth. And while I groan in pain, we leave the lake. The soft environment gives way to something hard. Stone? I can not say it. But an inner instinct keeps me trying. Don't give me a moment's breather. So I blink Wimper and slowly the veil in front of my eyes softens. Someone is crouching over me. Slaps my face with the palm of your hand. I want that one to stop. But I can't raise my hand. Not even a grumble is granted to me. This dies away in a groan and sends another pain coursing through my entire body. But despite all this, I recognize more. Dark hair. Brown eyes. A sunken face. I don't know that one. And with that something happens in me. Immediately, my pulse races even faster and my body seems to understand faster than my mind. My counterpart grins while I can only look at him. But as the malicious smile widens a little, the memories hit me. I'm in the forest With Zaret. This is not Zaret. And with that I want to get away. lift me up It does not work. The trembling prevents any proper movement. The absolute panic must be visible in my eyes, but that only seems to spur them on. He leans in and I want to duck away. Try to avoid him somehow. But how am I supposed to do that? And so he can levitate his face in front of mine. "Boo." He says the word calmly, and yet it's enough to make me whimper. Where is Zaret? I want to look around, but even that is not granted to me. And as I convulse and I just want to beg him to leave me alone, the stranger starts laughing. The sounds leave his mouth hard, hit me like whiplashes. "Please," I whisper, but even that word is lost in a sob. I just want to be left alone. To be able to take a deep breath. That a high is not followed by a low. Nothing is left of the euphoria of the jump. Instead, I am certain that I am dying in agony after all. As my life is, so will my death be. The stranger looks at me for a moment and then looks at a point somewhere above me. "You're right, she looks really cute when she's scared." I understand the words. The content. And yet that doesn't calm me down. I have to get out of here. So I want to push myself up again. Gather all my strength. But my attempt is stifled. By someone else who is here. "Of course. Do you think I'm lying to you?" There's the thunder. The voice that has way too much power over me, even now. But this time he doesn't scare me. Zaret is here. That makes me sob again. But this time it's pure relief that's driving me. And just to make them even stronger, Zaret appears in my field of view. A smirk is on his lips and he squats down. "Hey little Kalota." His hair is wet and falls far on his forehead. Small drops make their way over the highlights and fall down on me. But it does not bother me. It shows he's really here. That this is reality. "Hey." Not the best answer, but I can't think of anything else. My head is empty. Only joy fills me. I've never been happier to see someone. And so I manage to raise my hand. I want to touch him. My fingers tremble towards Zaret's upper body and his smile widens even more. "You're here," I whisper and cough again. It hurts me to speak. But that's just a minor evil. I live and Zaret will protect me. He said that. And while my fingertips finally touch his skin, Zaret brushes a strand of hair out of my face. "Of course. Who do you think pulled you out of the water?" He looks at me for a moment before Zaret directs his gaze to the stranger. "He just whimpered that it was way too cold." Despite the harsh words, Zaret's eyes shine. The two know each other. Clearly. I should feel something like anger because Zaret seems to have framed me on purpose. He wanted to create fear in me by not showing himself right away. But there is no anger. Just relief. "Pfff, I just don't have a laundry day," grumbles the other and gets up. Looks around a bit and I'm starting to wonder what's actually going on here. Who is this? And above all, what are we doing here? "But you would need it again." Zaret wrinkled his nose and his fingers are still on my skin. Stripes over me and creates a pleasant warmth. But that's how I suddenly feel the cold again. How this takes over me more and more and threatens to paralyze me. The stranger snorts indignantly and gives Zaret a condescending look. "Sorry I didn't dress up for you." Zaret grins and seems to have decided that the conversation is over. Instead, he looks back at me and slides his fingers to my lips. Stroke it gently and the just so exuberant look turns into a serious one. He's worried. "We should warm them." Now the stranger looks at me and nods. But says nothing. Instead, with a movement of his head, he indicates in which direction we have to go. I immediately want to push myself up, but can just clench my teeth when Zaret pushes his forearms under me. Scrapes my back and creates the unbearable pain again. I whimper softly as I'm picked up, and yet I'm glad I don't have to walk. "Thanks." It's barely audible. But that is not important. Zaret presses me against his chest and without thinking I snuggle up to him. God, why is he so hot? Shouldn't he be freezing too? I look up at him and our eyes meet immediately. The brown in it is unfathomable and somehow Zaret makes me to give him a grateful smile. I don't know if I'll succeed, but he takes a deep breath and purses his lips thoughtfully. "Why can't you always be so tame?" And now I'm sure there's a smile on my face. "You just have to work for it." I press my face even more against Zaret's chest. Hear the heartbeat and a slight up and down indicates that we are leaving. "Work out, yes?" The voice has dropped a few octaves and again the bass seems to take hold of me. Makes my heart beat to the beat of the vibration and I can only shake my head in disbelief. Gosh, I should really think about what's wrong with me. How can I react to Zaret like this even now? "I'll accept the challenge," he whispers, and that's enough to make me forget how breathing works for a second.