"Why are you doing that?" The words spill out before I can even think. But I'm interested. Why are the two men in my life suddenly nice to me. At least nice in their own way. A grin immediately creeps out on his lips and he squats in front of me. "A shepherd tends to his sheep." Zaret's smile gets even wider and I also start to smile a little. God, how many times has he said that sentence to me. Previously ongoing. But since Xerxes wormed his way into my life, I haven't heard that from him. And that somehow makes Zaret melancholy. It ties in with a time that was even simpler. Where I wasn't in constant pain. We look at each other for a moment and it almost seems as if Zaret is giving me the time to reminisce. Then he gets up with a jerk and stretches extensively. He yawns and it's only then that I realize that Zaret is probably tired too. It's the middle of the night. And it will not have been a coincidence that he was waiting for us. He was probably looking for me. "Come with me," he grumbles and holds out his hand. But even though he doesn't seem to be in any danger at the moment, I shake my head. God, I just want to be left alone. Can't Zaret accept this wish and leave ? "I want to sleep." The way I feel, that's what my voice sounds like. Weak. Drained. But Zaret doesn't care in the slightest. Instead, he snorts in annoyance and grabs my upper arm Legs. "You're coming with me now." No question. No request. A request that cannot be shaken. And so I just let my head fall forward in resignation. "Why can't you at least leave me alone tonight?" And now I look at Zaret. I really would like an answer to that. Where does he want to go with me now? move. Eventually I'll just collapse if I don't get to sleep. I've never been made more aware of the importance of this time to rest. Even seeing seems to be too tiring. My eyes just can't focus properly on mine Environment. Everything seems so blurry. So unnatural. "I want to show you something and most of all we should really clean your wounds." He smiles to himself and I can only shake my head. No, I don't want to see it. Absolutely not. then it usually doesn't bode well for me. "Can't we do that tomorrow?" And now I want to sit down again. Make a statement with a simple gesture. But again Zaret forestalls me and drags me with him. "No, tomorrow you'll find another excuse not to come." Yes, he's probably right about that. But why shouldn't I? It's only logical that I don't jump happily into the next nasty thing from Zaret. But instead of replying, I just grumble and look to the side. I notice my bucket and, above all, that it is full to the brim with water. So I want to tear myself away from him, but my attempt isn't nearly as forceful as I'd like, so his fingers remain wrapped around my upper arm. "I could clean up here too," I whisper, pointing in the direction of the bucket. Zaret immediately raises his eyebrows, quenching my last glimmer of hope that I won't have to leave my hut. "I might as well pee on your back and it would probably be more effective." It sounds like he's really thinking about it. That just makes me stare at him wide-eyed and immediately want to say something back, but Zaret forestalls me. "You decide." He shrugs, as if I really do have a choice. But peeing is out of the question. Not that I don't know. There are some men who have paid me to do just that. I had to kneel and open my mouth while they relieved themselves. Just the thought of the warm liquid raining down on me in a hard jet causes disgust to arise again, which penetrates every part of the body. It's one of the most humiliating experiences I've had in my career. And as if Zaret knows exactly what I'm thinking about, he leans down towards me. The brown eyes shine happily and again his words echo in my head: I don't sleep with a prostitute. And the worst thing is that I can understand that at this moment. I am soiled. Dirty. No water in the world can change that. "Come on Kalota. Say something," says Zaret quietly, apparently amused by my mood. Or rather, the fact that he can throw me off so easily again. "I'll come with you." In fact, it sounds quite determined. Normally I would be happy about that, but I can't even do that. It's not a strength that fills me, but rather a fear that Zaret will choose the other path after all. He nods once and looks at me briefly. Seems to want to absorb the sight of me, then pulls me with him. And now I'm not resisting anymore. It does not matter. I can't dissuade him from his plan anyway. I've had this experience too many times. I'm noticing how quickly I give in to Zaret, but I can't deal with that right now. So I stumble after him. Out of my cabin and down the streets. Interestingly, we take the path to the outskirts of town. And with every step closer to the limit, my queasy feeling gets bigger. We are approaching the forest. The one where all the felons run to avoid punishment. And just to confirm my fears, we now leave the last house behind us. Now only the black front of the trees can be seen. I stop immediately and brace myself against Zaret's train. "Oh no." As weak as my voice was just now, it's now secure. But I'm serious. No ten horses could get me in there. However, Zaret doesn't seem to intend to force me, he just snorts out loud and turns to me. "Do you always refuse to accept help?" The words are hard. Sort of cut through the air around us and yet this time I don't flinch. Don't flinch under the thunder. The content takes care of that. He's right. I should be happy that someone takes pity on me to help. It doesn't matter who it is. But I don't know this situation. Usually it is the women from the brothel who support each other. Never someone from outside and certainly not a man. So I'm already so broken that I don't even recognize help when it's obvious? "I.. I didn't know..." "You didn't know something," Zaret hisses, interrupting me. Only makes me more helpless. "Do you think I would take you somewhere else He's right. There would be no need to take me anywhere else. So I just nod. "I've never been in the forest." Of course not. Nobody in their right mind goes in there. There are countless stories about this piece of land and they all deal with death, rape and bestial rituals. "Then we should probably change that, don't you think?" The amusement resonates in every syllable and only makes me close my eyes in resignation. Is there even one thing Zaret fears? Probably not. He holds out his hand and leans forward until our faces float in front of one another. And even if I don't really recognize his eyes, I think I can see that sparkle in them again. The thing that keeps captivating me. "So, little Kalota, how is this supposed to work now? Nice or not nice?" This isn't a trap. Something tells me that Zaret has no desire to force me into the forest, nor is he planning any meanness. He just wants to help me. So grab it I automatically reach for Zaret's outstretched hand. Immediately he grins widely. You can see it even in the dark. "Do you trust me?" He's still looking at me and I can only shake my head in amusement at the question. "No, not at all." Zaret snorts in amusement and briefly maintains eye contact, and as paradoxical as it is, everything seems so normal. There's no intimidation from him. He's just a man right now. Nothing else. "Honestly, at least," he mutters, then pulls me into the blackness of the forest. Zaret walks behind me and as we get more and more swallowed up by the blackness, I slow down. This will bring you closer to Zaret. I must be insane to just give in to him like that. He could just leave me here. And normally I wouldn't even be shocked if he did the same. But right now he would have no gain from my disappearance. He needs me alive. At least until I give him the information he needs. I really can't tell what he does to me afterwards. At that time I could rely on Zaret's word. Meanwhile, this time is just smoke and mirrors. And despite this knowledge, I seek closeness to my tormentor. Like I did with Xerxes. A clear sign that something is wrong with me. But as dark as it is, I can still make out the shadows of the trees. Like dark creatures, these set themselves apart. And the branches seem to reach out to us. As if they want to reach out. Ready to drag me to eternal damnation. But even that doesn't make me stiffer, but that behind every black shadow, behind every bush, a criminal could be lurking. I skillfully negate the fact that Zaret is one too. And while my legs are shaking more and more and I'm having really big problems not falling down, someone touches my shoulder. Everything stops for me immediately. I make a hectic leap forward, trying to escape somehow. And through this inexperienced movement, a pain shoots through me. This makes me stumble and the soft ground of the forest makes it impossible for me to catch myself. But the adrenaline floods me. Makes me act faster. And so can catch me with my hands and push me up again. I gasp, and as I try to be as quiet as possible, Zaret laughs. It resounds loudly through the forest and that's exactly what makes my heart skip a beat. That's way too obvious. Hell, we should at least try to be as inconspicuous as possible. So I jump forward and put my hand over his mouth. But it's useless. Even the now stifled tones are far too loud. "Be quiet," I whisper, looking around in panic. I wouldn't even be surprised if a man's shadow rose in front of me. But nobody's watching. At least in the immediate vicinity. And so I just let out a sigh of relief, while I turn back to Zaret. He's stopped laughing, but his shoulders are still shrugging knowingly. But I don't have time to think about it right now. I want out of here. It's far too dangerous. Where the hell is only my self-protection left? Surely I can't go from one danger to the next so easily? And just as I'm about to tell him to walk me back, he leans forward. "Are you scared?" He mocks. It's a rhetorical question. We both know I'm beyond uncomfortable Zaret. I don't need a good look for that. But this time I don't care. I don't want to pretend to be strong when everything inside me is tense to bursting. I have Xerxes and Zaret, which make life difficult for me, I don't need them too a mad mass murderer who wants to destroy me. "I want to go back." I look around again and let out a shaky breath. It's strange. I wanted to kill myself a few days ago and now just the thought of death gives me goosebumps. However, it would be here too something else. People here enjoy the agony of others. It wouldn't be quick here. No, they would take their time. I'm sure of it. Zaret leans forward and at that moment I realize again what a giant this man is. But this time his size is not a fact that makes me feel small. No, it could be my advantage. Zaret is strong. Fearless and damn good in combat. That's my advantage at the moment. At least if Zaret wants to protect me. But I can't pursue that any further when he touches my chin with a fingertip. White smoke forms in front of his mouth and joins mine. "We're not going back," he whispers, and at that moment I feel like Zaret has access to the bottom of my soul. That feeling isn't triggered by the eyes. Not by his posture, but by his voice. There it is something in the words that I can't grasp - don't understand. But that's not important right now. Only one question should interest me right now. "Why?" Zaret is still rubbing my face with his finger. From the cheek over my chin and paradoxical as it is, he gives me security. I don't know how he does it, but my heart is beating a little calmer all of a sudden. And the need to look around also disappears with every passing second. "For one thing, you're really cute when your cheeky mouth isn't there." And now you can see the smile on his face. The slight change in shadowing on his face shows it. "And second, there's no reason to turn back." He tilts his head slightly and it almost seems as if Zaret wants to analyze me. But that can't be. How is that supposed to work when he hardly recognizes anything? "But I'm scared." Why I'm telling Zaret this fact so openly is beyond me. I'm supposed to be keeping this kind of thing a secret from him. But there's that weird sense of security again. It's like Zaret is shielding me And he can only do that through his closeness. Through the tender touch of his fingers. And just to increase his effect on me, he leans forward a little further. It's just a millimeter. A millimeter that me just breathe easier. "From what, Kalota? From torture? Rape?" I want to say something. Zaret interrupts, but he seems to have sensed it. Even as I part my lips, he puts his finger on my mouth and the words get stuck in my throat. "You've already experienced all that ." God, why does he sound so sensitive? The words really caress me and I can't help but grimace in desperation. Zaret is right. All of this has been done to me. Still, I'm afraid of a second time. "And do you know what's good about being through all that shit?" I can only stare at Zaret with wide eyes. It sounds like he's saying it with conviction - like Zaret knows my situation too. It might It's at that moment that I realize how little I actually know about him. "No." It's no more than a whiff. I can hardly hear it and only the white smoke in front of my mouth shows that I really just said something. But Zaret takes his time with the answer. Floats his lips up to my ear, letting me feel his stubble again. These scratch my skin and without me doing anything, the hairs on the back of my neck stand up. Whether it's tension causing it or something else I can't tell though. "You can always tell yourself that you survived, which would destroy many others," he whispers, hot breath hitting me. The contrast with the frigid air around us is immense, only amplifying Zaret's presence. "So, little Kalota, why should it be any different here?" He distances himself a bit from me and I would like to be near Zaret again. The cool air lays on the areas he just warmed up and that feels wrong. At least somehow. But instead of giving in to my inner urge, I swallow hard and let the words sink in. I survived all of this. It sounds good. But is that true? Physically, definitely. The only question is how I feel inside. Can I glue the shards back together? It could be. But I need time for that. Probably help too. And as my mind tangles, I look at Zaret. His gaze is lowered and I follow it. Realize that my cloak has opened a little and the moon's soft light is reflected on my pale skin. Not much to see. Only slight shadows can be guessed at the beginnings of my breasts and yet Zaret seems to be upset for a moment. He looks down for a little too long. And just to confirm my assumption, he grunts in annoyance as he grabs my hand and pulls me with him. that my cloak has risen a bit and the soft light of the moon is reflected on my pale skin. Not much to see. Only slight shadows can be guessed at the beginnings of my breasts and yet Zaret seems to be upset for a moment. He looks down for a little too long. And just to confirm my assumption, he grunts in annoyance as he grabs my hand and pulls me with him. that my cloak has risen a bit and the soft light of the moon is reflected on my pale skin. Not much to see. Only slight shadows can be guessed at the beginnings of my breasts and yet Zaret seems to be upset for a moment. He looks down for a little too long. And just to confirm my assumption, he grunts in annoyance as he grabs my hand and pulls me with him. And no matter how Zaret managed, my fear has lessened. It's not gone, but I think it's possible to go. The shaking in my legs has subsided. Now it's more the cold that makes me shiver. But that's okay. And so that doesn't change, I no longer look left or right. I just look at Zaret's back and lace my fingers in his. It's an intimate gesture. That's clear even to me. But in this moment it feels right. And as we stumble through the forest and it seems to get thicker and thicker, it creates a rushing through the thicket. One that indicates water must be nearby. I prick up my ears immediately, but the wind howls through the conifers and branches. This swallows the sound that is important to me. But the further we go, the clearer it becomes that I didn't mishear. We must be at our destination soon. But it's not that that makes me bite my lower lip, it's the power implied in the sound. That sounds like roaring masses of water and not like a babbling brook. I immediately catch up to Zaret and want to peer past his side. It's not easy at all, with my injuries and his broad body, but I manage it. Exactly at the moment when a huge river opens up in front of us. And with that I stop. Zaret automatically stops and gives me a questioning look. "I didn't know there was such a big river here." I can't take my eyes off the foaming water. It's literally creating bubbles in the middle of the river. Zaret chuckles, drawing my attention. It wants to generate heat somehow, but it doesn't do any good. So I just sigh softly as I turn back to Zaret. He looks me over, and for once it's an advantage that Zaret has seen me naked so many times before. I have no shame whatsoever while his gaze is blatantly on me. Only such a strange tingling arises and I clear my throat quietly. "Don't you want to take them off too?" I point to Zaret's pants and he follows my gesture. And now it's possible to see more. The moonlight is no longer intercepted by treetops. This allows me to see Zaret's slight smile "No, I think it should stay on." The voice has dropped a few octaves and even through the loud roar of the water the bass of Zaret's voice makes it to me. I hear every word clearly. Especially that he manages to let something like wickedness resonate in it. This just makes me shake my head in disbelief, but instead of dwelling on it, I take a step forward. Only in the middle of the river does the water seem to be able to draw on its full power. That means I could stop at the beginning without fear of being washed away. Nevertheless, I stop for a moment and take a look at the roaring masses in front of me. It looks stunning. The water almost seems to glow in the dark. How can I not be familiar with such a natural spectacle? But Zaret is right. I miss a lot. Especially what's happening out of town. A small stream runs along the edge of the gutter. It probably comes from the river. I purse my lips thoughtfully, wanting to ask Claire if she knows what's right under our noses. How can I not be familiar with such a natural spectacle? But Zaret is right. I miss a lot. Especially what's happening out of town. A small stream runs along the edge of the gutter. It probably comes from the river. I purse my lips thoughtfully, wanting to ask Claire if she knows what's right under our noses. How can I not be familiar with such a natural spectacle? But Zaret is right. I miss a lot. Especially what's happening out of town. A small stream runs along the edge of the gutter. It probably comes from the river. I purse my lips thoughtfully, wanting to ask Claire if she knows what's right under our noses. "If we continue at this rate, we won't be in the water by sunrise." I wince because the voice is too close. Way too close. So I turn my head to Zaret and meet the amused gleam in his eyes. There's that light-heartedness again that I've seen in him more often now. The one that makes me jealous. God, I'd like to just forget everything for once. But instead of dealing with it and drifting off again, I take another step And now the river is right in front of me. Timidly, I stretch out my foot and let my toes dip in the water. Exactly for a second. Icy cold greets me and I can't help but gasp sharply. "Oh God, this is way too cold."Already I'm shaking like a leaf and somehow I get the feeling that I wouldn't survive going into the river. "Mmm." Just that slurred murmur conveys Zarets' annoyance. But that goes unnoticed. Instead, I swallow hard and dip my toes in the water again. But this time I'll keep them in. It's not because that I've gotten used to the low temperatures, but to Zaret. I don't need even a glance to know that he's watching me like an eagle right now. The presence screams that his patience is hanging by a thread. And I don't plan to to let this rip. So I duck a bit and it would probably be wise to dip my whole foot in the water. But already I feel like my heart just wants to stop. So it seems impossible for me to continue walk. And just to increase his power over me, he tucks my hair behind my ear. The gesture is gentle. Could almost pass as encouraging. But I know better. "Listen, I'm trying to be really nice to you right now, but either you get your little butt in there or I'll make sure you do it." As he talks, Zaret grabs the last loose strand of hair from my face and gives it a light tug. Don't so bad that it hurts and yet it is enough to underline the warning in his statement.