XERXES "I could kill you right here for those words." And already I feel the cool metal of the handle. Feel the small indentations of the decorations in it. No one would ask why I killed him. Our conflicts are well known. Yes, it would put me in a bad light. Many would see the comparison to my father. But I don't care right now. The blood is pounding in my ears. And just the thought of never having to put up with his loose mouth again makes my heart race. "Even that would not change the situation." Anselm's experience in combat is now playing into his hands. He doesn't even glance at my hand. Don't notice how I grip the dagger tightly. "Our trade routes would still be closed and you would have to then look for a new commander," he says and straightens up a bit more. I don't even know if he would fight back if I pointed the dagger at him. I would appreciate it. Then I could show him for the last time that he is physically no match for me. But I still have reason. I have no intention of killing him. I now know the reason for my aggression. For the murders and the rapes. It's just a cry for help. When I was young, I wanted someone to stop me. For someone to show me that even a prince and future king is not allowed to do everything. That didn't happen. On the contrary, my father applauded. Only Magda could correct me. But not in the way it should be. But that's okay. I face the beast in me. Put it on chains. And someday I will destroy it. Nevertheless, I slide the tip of the dagger over the wood of the tabletop. The soft scraping takes over the room and the menace of that sound is so much more present than any word could convey. "The trade route thing will be over soon." It's almost interesting that our voices have both calmed down, yet the air around us seems to be getting thicker. Anslem stops and frowns. Seems to understand that I have something planned that he doesn't know. That he wasn't initiated by me. An insult of the highest order. After all, he's the one responsible for such things. "If you're planning something, you have to tell me." He leans forward slightly, almost ready to hear the secret. But I don't intend to tell him. I trust him. That's right it doesn't. That doesn't change my opinion of him either. He's an excellent strategist in battle. Probably the best. But he's very loud. He wants everyone to see who's winning. Anslem loves his power demonstrate. But I need someone for this job who is quiet. Just like a ghost. Just like Platura is. So I just shrug my shoulders slightly and twist the dagger between my fingers. Yes, I know other ways to demote someone. It does not always have to be brute force to clarify positions. Anslem also becomes aware of this at this moment. He can't do anything. Must leave this room knowing someone else is doing his job. that he is replaceable. And now he's eyeing the dagger. He's about to say something, but before a word leaves his mouth, the door slams open. Anslem and I immediately look in that direction. Platura comes in. Looks around and seems to grasp the situation immediately. But that's not difficult either. After all, the dagger is still in my hand. However, it doesn't seem to be worth worrying about for him. Instead he seeks my gaze. "Kalota." Nothing more. Just that one word resonates through the room. And yet that's enough to make me forget about Anslem. Platura isn't a person who shows many emotions. And yet I recognize one thing. Anger. He's upset . This is not good. "The conversation is over," I mumble to Anselm and hurry out of the room. I don't need any further explanations from Platura either. Something's wrong. Otherwise he wouldn't bother me. So I take the path to the courtyard. "Where? " I don't hear Platura. Not a step of his echoes in the corridor. No heavy breathing can be heard. And yet I know he is there. "At her house." I nod and quicken my pace again. Leave all the doors behind and curse the size of the castle. It's taking me too long to get to the yard. And even when the icy air hits my face, I don't slow down. Of course, Platura has already had my horse saddled. But that's not what makes my heart beat faster, it's that guards are ready to follow us. That means danger. And it's not the thought that my life needs to be protected that's making me breathe harder, it's that something must have happened to Kalota. Platura must have left her alone. He would only do that if it was really necessary. I jump on my horse and don't even check if Platura is ready. Only the name Kalota resonates in my head. Nothing must have happened to her. I just discovered this rough diamond! And so I spur my horse. A whinny sounds. The beating of the hooves and the wind whistles around me. Still, I hear more rattling in the air. How the men follow me with their horses. But that's hardly worth a weary thought. Even my surroundings become blurred. There's the bridge. The square in front of the castle. The town. I also don't care that the streets and alleys are filled with people. They scream and jump to the side. Here and there someone drops their basket and the food lands on the floor. I usually enjoy horseback riding. I love the freedom that comes with it. How the rocking pulls me along and makes me forget. Then I only concentrate on the processes of my movements. No longer. Only when Kalota was in front of me, I couldn't completely switch off. And yet I felt good. Her fear was palpable through her tension. The way her petite body pressed against me drove me insane. I would have loved to have turned around and used it again for my cravings. I don't know what appeals to me about this woman. It could be many things. Perhaps it is the opposites that unite them. That she seems weak and strong at the same time. Vulnerable yet untouchable. I almost think I can feel her butt against my crotch again. How he pressed himself soothingly against me and fueled the heat in me even further. Just the thought is enough to make me lean forward a little more while snapping the reins. The sound whips through the air. Someone shouts something, but it is not understandable. Goes under in the raging wind around me. The streets are getting narrower. The houses shabby. And already I see the log cabin that Kalota calls home. The wood is rotten. Has a few holes here and there. It's actually a miracle that the wind didn't just tear this hut down. And when the horse isn't even fully upright, I jump down from the saddle and want to go inside. "Xer," Platura yells, and I don't know how I'm able to, but the fact that he uses my first name makes me chuckle. It just shows that he's worried. But I'm not scared. Not for me "My father took that away from me too. So I open the door for you and step in. No one can be seen immediately. But it's too dark for that and before my eyes have adjusted to the light, Platura pushes past me. Scans the area and when he sees that there is no danger, he relaxes. Until his eyes get stuck on a small heap on the floor. And this sight is enough to make my heart skip a beat. Kalota. Suddenly I also notice the smell of blood. How the sweet metallic scent lies heavy in the air. I automatically jump forward. She doesn't move. And for a moment I think she's dead. Not even a slight lifting of the body is recognizable. She looks unnatural. The pale skin stands out too much against the dark ground. It looks almost whitish. I've seen this many times. I've had many people before me who are closer to death than life. And that Kalota is one of those people should shock me. immobilize me. But that doesn't stop me. I know this situation too well for that. So I touch her neck. Want to feel the pulse. It's all quiet. Even Platura doesn't move. Seems to have expected a different sight. Kalota's skin is cold. But that could also be due to the temperatures. And so I press a little harder on the spot just below the jawbone than is necessary. A slight throbbing can be felt. One that is far too weak. But it is there. Shows she's alive. And that takes away my fear for her. Instead, something else appears. pure anger. But this time it's not blind aggression in me. No roaring flames to consume me. In this moment I get to know a new kind of aggression. A silence. One that penetrates every part of my body without me really noticing. The beast in me has awakened. In full strength and yet my inner peace does not give way. Suddenly I don't want to hurt Kalota anymore. No, someone else shall be my victim. "Who was that?" It's more of a growl than speech. But Platura knows me that way. Knows the dark side of me. "A man named Zaret." Now he approaches me and kneels down. Platura has taken off his jacket and carefully puts it over Kalota. Even he probably realizes that she could have been dead. "I want him alive." I look at Platura and he gives a curt nod. Looks at Kalota again before he gets up and walks out of the hut. And while the door closes softly, I stay where I am for a moment too thin woman. She looks so infinitely fragile. Her strength is gone. And for the first time I have no need to hear her whimper. Let her laugh. With me. And I'll see to it. Someone else will thrown to my beast to eat. Zaret. And I won't hold back with him. Will try everything I've always wanted to do. A little torture doll of my own. I grin and push Kalota's blood-matt hair aside.