Chapter 31 "What a mess," I mutter under my breath. The room. Me. Everything. My sister is on her way over to our parents' house to help me pack before the convention and it looks like my closet exploded. I could make some parallel to my heart having also exploded but I think shredded is a better description for the way I've felt since leaving Moonshot. "Aunt Ruby!" Greer yells as she runs through the living room to my open bedroom door. She has a brownie in one hand that she holds out to me. "For me?" She nods. "Gigi made them." "Thank you." I hug her to me as I take a bite and groan. My parents might be the chefs in the family, but my grandma Gloria makes the best brownies. Greer giggles as I take another giant bite, moaning and throwing myself back onto the bed with great exaggeration. It really is that good. Olivia walks in and her eyes widen. "Wow. It's worse than I thought." I sit up and look around me. My sister is glowing with her cute baby bump, even through the distressed expression currently on her face as she takes in the state of my room. Then, she looks to the TV. "Are you watching SportsCenter?!" I search around for the remote, which is likely buried somewhere under my clothes. "I turned on the TV and that's what was on." She cocks one brow, silently calling me on my bullshit. "Shut up." I toss the first thing I grab, a bra. She catches it, then holds the lacy red material up in front of her. "Pretty. Sadly, this won't fit me." She tosses it back on the bed and then looks at the mess again. Her cheeks puff and she lets out a slow breath. "Are you planning to take every piece of clothing you own?" "No." I laugh lightly. "I did laundry when I got back, and I haven't put it away yet." She reaches for Nick's jersey. That article of clothing hasn't been washed. I may or may not have been sleeping in it nonstop. I know it's not possible after days of being home, but I swear I can still smell him on it. "I think you should wear this. Pair it with some cute sneakers and then you're good to go. You're the new sporty Ruby Madison." I swipe it back from her and hold it protectively to my chest. "Have you heard from him?" she asks, clearing a spot on the bed and sitting. "Can I go help Grandma and Grandpa in the garden?" Greer asks before I can answer Olivia. "Yeah. Go ahead," Liv tells her. "But no more brownies." Her little face is crestfallen for only a moment before she shrugs and rushes off. When she's gone, Olivia starts to fold and organize the clothes around her. I move the suitcase over and sit on the other side. My sister looks up, as I say, "Yeah. We've been texting." Her mouth quirks up at the corners. "And?" "And...that's it." It's hard to look her in the eyes. I resist squirming as discomfort vibrates through my body. I have felt every emotion possible this week. Sad. Grateful. Happy. Nervous. Excited. Scared. So many things are happening. Molly has emailed no less than a dozen times with more meeting invites and schedule updates for the convention. The pitch I wrote for my new book hasn't even gone out on submission officially and we have two publishers interested in making an offer. It's all the things I was so eager for just months ago and now...it feels hollow. Like maybe for the first time, I'm realizing that it's not enough. The job, the career, all of it. I want it, but it's no longer the only thing I want. "December is so far away." It's only been a few days. How am I going to make it that long without seeing him? "Any chance you can see him before then?" "Maybe. Once the tour dates are confirmed, we're going to compare schedules." She looks hopeful and I want to feel that too, but I get the feeling he's purposely holding back. Maybe he's just being realistic about the possibility of a future between us. As in, it isn't much of one if we only see each other twice a year. It sucks. I miss him so much. "Can I tell you something and you won't think I'm dumb or naïve?" I ask her, finally glancing up. "I would never," she says, sounding personally affronted at the insinuation. My heart squeezes. She's right. Not once has she been unsupportive of even my wildest dreams. Even as kids, she would act so excited every time I let her read something I'd written. I don't know if it was genuine or not, but it didn't matter-it inspired me to keep going. "I thought he might ask me to stay. I know it's new and logistically it's messy. We live in different states, and he's got a lot with his job and his kid, plus caring for his dad...He can't change the fabric of his life for me." "You'd have to be the one to make the jump?" she asks, nodding like she already knows that's true. "Would you have stayed if he asked?" "I don't know." It's a question I've asked myself at least a thousand times. It would be a lot to give up. I like living close to my family. I love that I'm able to watch Greer grow up and be part of her daily life. I'm close with my grandparents, who I know won't be around forever. If I were ever to get married and have my own kids, I'd want them to have my family around too. "You still wish he would have asked though, right?" "Yeah." I feel bad even admitting it. "Is that selfish?" "No, it's human." "Sometimes being human really sucks." She laughs, shoulders shaking with the boisterous noise that loosens something in my chest. Admitting it out loud and having her reassurance does make me feel better. "Ooh." She winces and presses a hand to the middle of her stomach. "What?" I ask, concern taking hold of me. "Is everything okay?" "Yeah. The baby either loves or hates it when I laugh. She's kicking the crap out of me." A smile spreads across my face. "Can I feel?" She nods and moves closer. When I stretch out my hand to her bump, she guides it to the correct spot and then we wait in silence until the baby kicks again. "That's so weird and cool at the same time," I tell my sister. "It really is." "Hi, baby girl," I croon to my niece. "I'm your aunt Ruby and I can't wait to meet you so I can spoil the shit out of you." Olivia laughs lightly and the baby kicks a little harder. "You're right. Loves or hates it," I say. When I finally move my hand away, I look up at my sister filled with awe. "You're remarkable." "Me?" She laughs then winces and rubs her belly again. "Yeah. You've created this beautiful family. You're badass at your job, and you still have time to show up for me and help me organize my life." I wave a hand around the messy bed. "I'm supposed to be the older, wiser sister, but you are continually showing me the kind of person I want to be." Her eyes widen, then fill with tears, then she smiles and another small laugh escapes. "Oh my god, stop it. You're making me cry." She wipes at the tears falling from her lashes. "Sorry." I smile back. She waves a hand in front of her face. "Stupid pregnancy hormones." I pick up a dress from the clean laundry pile. I wore it the last night Nick and I went out on the boat. I wonder what he's doing right now. Probably at home, listening to Aidan practice guitar and pretending to be annoyed with his dad. "Okay." Olivia swipes at a few more tears and then looks back at the suitcase with determination etched into her features. "Let's tackle this mess before I run out of energy. I swear by eight o'clock every night I'm so tired I can't function." For the next thirty minutes we work in companionable silence. Olivia folds everything and puts them into piles, and I pick out what I want to take to the convention and put the rest away in the dresser I'm using while crashing at my parents' house. "Last item." Olivia hands me Nick's jersey. "Wow. You're good." "We're a great team. I'm organization and purpose. You're chaos and creativity." I snicker. "What time do you leave tomorrow?" "My flight is at eight." "Oof." "Yeah. Molly has a full day of meetings scheduled for us." "I wish I could be there to watch you be a rock star." "Me too." "Are you nervous about seeing Matthew?" Ever since we broke up, she's refused to call him Matt like she had before. "Not nervous as much as dreading it." "I'd love to have a few words with him." Her gaze narrows and she glares as if picturing him. My sister is sweet as can be ninety-nine percent of the time, but she is not afraid to throw down for the people she loves. "Will Lily be there?" "No." "I hate that you'll be alone when you face him. I could send Flynn." A real honest laugh bubbles up in my chest and spills out. "I would love to see Flynn take out Matt." "No contest, right? Flynn would destroy him." Her eyes light up. "I appreciate you offering up your tall, muscular husband, but I'll have to face him on my own eventually." "We've always got your back." "I know." "That goes for everything," she says, nodding toward the jersey still in my hands. "No matter where you live or how fucking much I'd miss you if I couldn't see you every day, I'll always be there for you." "I know." "Do you?" "I do." I nod. But that just makes it all that much harder to think about leaving. "We'd all come visit you and we could video chat every morning. Maybe we could take up letter writing like the old days." I huff another quiet laugh. "My point is you should follow your heart. Wherever that leads you." What if my heart is in two places? "Okay." She stands and holds her arms out. "Give me a hug. The next time you see me, I might be too big for you to wrap your arms around me." I toss Nick's jersey back on the bed with every intention of sleeping in it again tonight. "I love you," I say as I hug her tight. "Thank you for being the best sister ever." "Right back at you." When my flight arrives in Denver, Molly is waiting for me at baggage claim. "Hi!" She hugs me then takes my backpack from me. "Ooh. What do you have in here?" I almost tell her a dismembered head. "I couldn't decide which shoes to bring," I admit instead. "Comfortable ones." She hikes the bag to her shoulder. "I've booked three more meetings for you since you got on the plane. Anna Vohn with Lawrence Publishing and..." My eye catches on a TV screen inside one of the many airport restaurants as we walk the corridor to exit. I've watched more sports news in the past week than my entire life, so I instantly recognize the sports news channel and the three men sitting around a large, curved desk. At the top of the screen are headshots of several Moonshot hockey players. My gaze locks on Nick immediately. His dark hair and the scowl that I used to think was his default expression. I pause long enough that Molly power walks ahead, still talking a mile a minute. She finally realizes I'm no longer beside her when she reaches the sliding doors to the exit. She hurries back to me, gaze flicking to the screen. "Ah, the hockey player," she says. "Did he convert you into a sports fan?" "Maybe not a fan, but an appreciator." "And of him?" "Definitely a fan." She grins. "Can't blame you. He is cuuute. Nice?" "Yeah." "Single?" My cheeks heat. "Yes." Unfortunately, and as much as I wish I could tell her he isn't single because he's mine, he isn't. I don't know if he ever was, technically speaking, but I know I wanted him to be. I still do. "Maybe for your next book we can send you to Paris or Italy. How do you feel about soccer?" "Clueless." "Which is why you'll need to interview an expert. Say the word and I'll make a few calls." I have no doubt she would. "I don't think I can handle learning another sport yet." I want to live in my hockey era a bit longer. And my Nick era. I wonder what he'd say if I suggested stopping by for a quick visit after the convention. It's been less than a week but if he misses me even a fraction as much as I miss him, then I think he'll be on board. And if he isn't, then I guess that's my answer on whether or not this will truly work. His photo flicks off the screen and Molly and I begin walking again. I'm excited to look for flights later and text him to make sure it's okay. My lips curve. Kick ass at this convention and then I can go see him. Almost like he knew I was thinking about him, my phone pings with a text from him. It's a picture taken on the ice and he follows it up with another message. Nick Wish you were here. Me Just landed in Denver. Wish I were there too. X "Everything good?" Molly asks. "Yeah. Sorry." I pocket my phone, feeling more certain about making a little detour after the convention. I didn't imagine it this summer. I know it. He felt it too. I let out a breath. "So who am I meeting with today?" Her smile widens. "You're booked solid, girl. Everyone wants to talk to you, and they are so excited about the book." I nod, feeling the first strums of genuine excitement. "All right. Tell me when, where, and what to say." She laughs again. "I'm one step ahead of you. Check your email." No doubt, I already have one waiting from her with a detailed agenda. "You're good," I tell her. "I know." She purses her lips and lifts one shoulder. "Now, let's go. We've got to haul ass to get back to the hotel for your dinner meeting." For the next twelve hours, I do nothing but eat, sleep, and talk about the book. Molly whisks me off to meeting after meeting, keeping me fueled with caffeine and sugar. The excitement for the book is more than I ever could have dreamed. When I'm at my best I soak up their praise and allow myself to feel proud and happy. At my worst, it all makes me think of Nick and miss him so much it hurts. None of this would have happened without him, and I know he'd get such a kick out of it all. On Thursday night, one of the event sponsors hosts a cocktail party. As I'm walking through the lobby, readers are starting to arrive. The convention kicks off tomorrow and goes through the weekend. The hotel staff are putting up the banners and signage for the event. Tomorrow, thousands of people will be here. Book lovers from all over the world. The first time I came to one of these conventions, I was blown away. Ten-year-old me who loved books and writing and had very few friends who shared my hobby couldn't have dreamed up this life. The hotel is massive with so many different areas that it's easy to get turned around. Luckily there's plenty of signage pointing toward the conference area. Event posters, balloons, and publisher marketing banners cover the windows and walls. Seeing the cover of my book on the elevator doors is surreal in the best way. I snap a picture and text it to Olivia. The noise of the party travels from the large banquet room to the bottom of the escalator. My nerves kick up a notch with every step closer. As soon as I'm inside, I scan the room searching for Molly. I find her in what looks like a deep conversation with an editor from Lawrence Publishing. I make my way to the bar and order a Corona because it reminds me of Nick. Once I have my drink in hand, I circle slowly around the room. I smile at industry people I recognize and say hello to other authors that I haven't seen since the last event I attended. I'm only starting to relax when I spot him. Matt stands in a circle of at least ten people. He has that air about him, charming arrogance that comes off as magnetic until you get to know him. He's personable and well-spoken. And in a room filled with introverts, he carries conversations and enjoys being the center of attention. Our gazes meet briefly. I have no intention of stopping to say hello, but another author calls out to me. Leah Amaretti writes gothic romance. We shared an editor at my first publisher and is always lovely when I see her at events. "Hi," I say, stepping closer to her but still avoiding Matt. "I heard you were coming, but I didn't want to believe it." She's tall and fit and when she hugs me it reminds me of Travis's bone-crushing squeezes. "I missed you last year. Where've you been?" "Writing," I say with a smile as she pulls back. "I heard you wrote a sports romance?" Kenna, another author I've met a handful of times, asks with a smile that is filled with surprise. Slowly the whole circle opens and readjusts to let me in. "I did. Yeah." I take a sip of my drink. My cheeks feel hot as I feel Matt's gaze on me. Looking at him feels like giving him the satisfaction of feeling important but ignoring him also feels like I'm allowing him too much power over me. "I love hockey," Kenna says. "I had no idea you were sporty." "Me either," Matt says. "New hobby?" I flick my stare slowly to his. To everyone else I'm sure that his smile looks friendly, but I know better. "Something like that." "I overheard Molly say you spent the summer interviewing a professional hockey player?" The statement comes out like a question as Leah's eyes light up awaiting my answer. "That's right." "Which one?" she asks at the same time Matt snorts and says, "Those guys barely have enough brain cells left after a career of being knocked around all the time." I happen to know that Matt has a sore spot when it comes to athletes. He was cut from his high school football team, and he's been holding a grudge against jocks ever since. I open my mouth to defend Nick and every other player I met this summer, but before I can a server steps up beside me. "Cookie?" She holds out a tray filled with a variety of options. Chocolate chip, sugar, and one M&M cookie. I take it, smiling so hard that I lose track of the conversation and the anger I was feeling dissipates. "Ruby?" Matt says my name. "Sorry." I blink a few times and refocus on him. His expression is smug masked as polite amusement. "I asked if you heard the news about Becoming Alaric getting picked up by Gradient Pictures?" "Yeah, I think I saw that somewhere. Congratulations." The smile on his face falters, almost like he hoped I wouldn't be so generous in my praise. He wants me to be pissed off or sad, anything other than detached. That way, he's won. Not only did he steal my book idea, but he did so with wild success. I can't change that, but I don't have to stand here and let him see how it broke me. Past tense. I'm all put together now. Or ninety-nine percent anyway. Maybe that kind of break never fully heals but it's no longer keeping me from moving forward. "Excuse me," I say to the rest of the circle. "I'm going to mingle." I only get two steps away when I pull out my phone and snap a picture of the cookie and send it to Nick. Our communication has become a series of pictures, cataloging our days, and a hundred unique variations that all say how much we miss each other. He calls as I'm heading back up to my room. "Hi!" I answer, already smiling before I hear his voice. "Hey, Red." My eyes close and my grin widens. "You there?" "Yeah. Sorry. How are you?" "Good. Just sitting on the back deck enjoying the sunset." I can picture him, feet kicked up, leaning back, and staring out at the water. "That sounds nice. How was Aidan's first day of school?" "Good. He likes his teacher and Abigail is in his class." "Who's Abigail?" "She's the Ruby Madison of fifth grade." "Is that a compliment?" I ask with a laugh. "You know what I mean. She's cute and cool and way out of his league-according to him." "You think I'm out of your league?" "I know it." It isn't true but I soak up his words anyway. "At the risk of sounding like a broken record, I really miss you." "I know. I keep looking over at the cabin expecting to see you sitting on the porch or walking down by the lake. How's the convention?" "It hasn't really started yet. Today was filled with meetings and then a cocktail party." "Ooh fancy. What are you wearing?" I glance down at my dress. "Your jersey and a pair of heels." He groans. "I know you're fucking with me, but I don't even care." "I'll send you a picture later to prove it." "I look forward to that." In the background, Aidan says something I can't quite make out and Nick says quietly, away from the phone, "I'll be right there." When he speaks to me again, he says, "I gotta go learn fifth grade math." "Ewww." "Yeah." He chuckles. "Okay, well, I'll text you tomorrow. You have the team barbeque?" "Yeah. What time does the convention start?" "Molly has me scheduled first thing in the morning for coffee with one of the editors interested in the new book." "That's great. We're all rooting for you. Not that you need it, but good luck." "Thank you." "All right. Well..." He pauses like he doesn't want to hang up or there's more he wants to say. "Yeah," I say because I know the feeling. "Talk to you tomorrow." "Okay." "K. Forcing myself to hang up now, but don't forget to send me that picture, Red." Discover our latest featured short drama reel. Watch now and enjoy the story!