Chapter 19 : The void In the morning , for a moment , I wonder if what happened last night was real . It makes me want to dance , a dance of happiness and joy . I'm a girl who can't believe that the man she's always liked ... has slept with her . It was more than that ... it was an incredible and wonderful night ... much better than I could have ever dreamed of . I'm under some incredibly white and comfortable sheets , and next to me is a space of crumpled sheets where Ethan was a few hours ago . He's probably in the bathroom . My god . ...... .. he is so sexy , how sweet , how he talked to me last night , how he said my name . Priscilla ... he said my name in between moans , and just remembering it made me want to burst with happiness . He was also very generous ... thinking about me and my pleasure . That's not something you see every day ! My ex - boyfriends ... they weren't even halfway attentive to me ... like Ethan was last night ... and we're not ... uh .... we're not anything . From the moment , he laid me down on the bed and took off his t - shirt ... it was like an explosion . I knew there was no turning back . In the start , everything happened slowly as we saw each other for the first time , inch by inch of our skin , measuring our reactions ; until we Jended up completely melting into each other in a frenzy of passion . I still can't believe I put my insecurities aside . Does he like me ? Would he see my flaws ? I just got carried away ... and I realized that I wanted this ... I always wanted him . But not even in my wildest dreams , I imagine this ! I try not to think about all the flaws he must have seen in me . My wide tights , my messy hair , my belly , my big but ... good god . I try to focus on how I saw him , the way his muscles stood out , his hands , his hair between my fingers , the strength of his body , his breathing . A truly perfect man ... at least for me . How could two people who were so far apart suddenly be so close for a moment ? I didn't even want him to come near me , and out of nowhere he touched me , kissed me , caressed me in places that drove me crazy . I'm not an inexperienced girl ... but ... it was the best night and the best sex of my entire life . I wanted him , trembled at his touch , and he seemed to enjoy it too . Could he really like me ? The thought tortured me as much as it delighted me . On the sheets beside me , I could see where his body had been , his arms holding me , his tanned skin , his dirty blond hair scattered across the bed . I would have liked to see him sleeping , to feel him holding me at night . But even more , I would have liked to find him here when I woke up , to see his expression , because it would help me to know if what happened last night was something real or ... something just a result of ... the heat of the moment . I mean , the rain , the terrible weather , the change of plans , a man and a woman in a tiny hotel room . We didn't have much time here when he claimed he was going to sleep on the floor and eventually , without much thought , we both ended up naked on the only bed . I am curious as to what the protocol will be for " the morning after , " because frankly , I am not very used to spending the night away from home , let alone in a hotel with a man . It is not that I invite men to my home , I am not going to deceive anyone . My relationships with men have been rather distant , and with my ex - boyfriends we seemed like an old couple for years , two people who had quickly lost the passion . Instead , this was something unplanned . No one would believe me if I told them I slept with him last night . If I went back in time and told this to a young Priscilla , she would burst out laughing . You could say it was the closest thing to a one - night stand , but with someone I knew ... someone I always dreamed of being with . Weird . A few minutes passed and I waited for a sound to come from the bathroom , but nothing happened . Just silence and the sound of my heart beating nervously . The room is too small to deny the truth : I am completely alone . So I quickly go to the bathroom , take a bath , put on the pants I wore yesterday and the shirt he lent me . I look in the mirror and fix myself as best I can , leaving my hair loose to the side after trying to tame it a bit with water . 1/3 Chapter 19 The void I stayed for a few minutes , sitting on the bed , ready ... not knowing what to do . Suddenly I see that his things are already arranged on a chair next to my bag . This man is incredibly organized and structured , he has everything ready to go . If his things weren't still here ... would he have left ? Running from the consequences of last night ? I'm just here , all alone , my leg shaking , panicked of what he thinks about last night . Good old Priscilla ... full of insecurities . I arrange my things and debate between going out , calling a taxi or going to the airport . Surely we can return home today . Maybe ... for him this was nothing , a simple distraction of the moment . Probably ... if Kate had been in my place , it would have been the same . Yesterday was such a horrible day and night that I didn't have to be a beautiful , slim , attractive woman like Kate . " I'm so stupid ... " I was just the woman available at that moment , I think as my hands shake . And I feel like a fool , a complete fool . I can't help but feel used and ashamed . Maybe he just wanted to get back at me for being so cold to him . Having fun with silly Priscilla . The chubby girl he used to know . So here we go ... This is the end of this bubble of happiness . We all have an evil voice that leads us to sad , humiliating , unusual , and gray thoughts . As you have already noticed , this voice in my head is particularly evil , hopeless , and very active . This voice told me that everything has a beginning and an end . Priscilla , what did you think ? That everyone would live happily ever after ? Silly girl . I stared at the door of the room . What am I going to do ? I really wish he wouldn't come back , I'd rather not see him again . Do you know what it's like to have what you've always dreamed of , but never imagined you'd actually have ? And then ... to find out it wasn't what you thought it was . In my dreams , Ethan fell in love with me and was a complete gentleman . He would make me feel loved , he would see the value in me that he didn't see when we were teenagers . How stupid and ridiculous I am ! Waiting here like a naive little girl for him to see my worth . When everything indicates that I was nothing to him . Well , I told him that he used people , and I fell victim to my own words . I already knew what he thought of me ! What he had always thought , for years . I heard his own words , for god's sake ! It's nobody's fault , just mine . Always expecting a lot from others : to love me , to defend me , to care for me , to respect me. On the contrary , I should do exactly that , but to myself . That's right , I should stop being a victim . To put myself into action , not to expect anything from anyone , much less from him . To be the Priscilla that I have to be , I have me and no one else . I am a grown woman , right ? A woman who makes her own decisions , and this was one of them . Right or wrong , time will tell . Yes , he used me ... but I also enjoyed it . I could have used him too , right ? I know it's not usually like that , but I'd like to think about it . Forget about falling in love , about him being a gentleman , about him waking up with you , seeing him happy , caressing me , greeting me with a sweet good morning . It just wasn't going to happen , I'm sorry . I have to take care of myself , of my feelings . To protect myself , to love myself first . " Priscilla ... ? Are you here ? " Suddenly , a voice pulls me out of my thoughts and regrets . The door opens and there he is in the doorway , staring at me . Discover our latest featured short drama reel. Watch now and enjoy the story!