Chapter 30 I hear everything Dimitri is saying, and I think I might even understand where he's coming from. But the color he's brought to my life is now a rainbow I can't live without. And loving someone is about loving all of them, the good with the bad. That's always been something I can do. He's not shaking me. I love Anna and I love him. I'm here for the long haul. "Ava," he pushes out, his normally honey voice sounding...broken. It eats at me, that tone. Maybe I've got it wrong. Maybe tonight made him think that I'm not right for him. Maybe he's decided he doesn't want me. My chin droops into my hand. If he doesn't want me... My life really would lose the color again, the idea of losing him twists in my side like a sharp knife. But also, I'd know that I was capable of seeing it, feeling it, and I'd be better for it. That doesn't make me want him less. "Don't say my name like that." "Like what?" "Like it hurts you," I whisper and then I start to roll away. But he holds me firm. "It did hurt me to hurt you tonight. That's my whole point." "Is it? Or is your point that you've decided you don't want me?" I pull away then, rolling off him and onto my back. But he rolls with me, his body hovering above mine in a plank position. "Dimitri." "Am I frightening you, love?" It's the love that makes me relax. The single word is full of so much concern that I reach my arms around his neck, putting pressure on his neck to make him lower himself. "No. I want your skin on mine." Slowly, gently, he lowers himself. "You're sure?" In response, I wrap my legs around his hips, pulling his body into the cradle of mine. "You don't scare me, Dimitri. If anything..." "What?" "I feel safe with your body over mine. I'm home in your arms." I look into his eyes, willing him to see the truth. He must, because he leans down, his mouth covering mine, kissing me long and slow. "I'd never want to hurt you, milaya, but also, it's my job to protect you and that might mean not being at my side. You're safer away from me." I relax into the mattress, the tip of his cock nestling against my folds. "I'm meant to be at your side. Always." I meant what I said about Anna. "Unless you need me to take Anna away. That's different." He sinks inside me, holding my gaze. "You'd do that for me? For my daughter?" "I'd do anything for you and for her. You're my family," I answer as he bottoms out inside me. "I love you, Ava. You are my heart." He devours my mouth even as he pulls out only to sink back in. My whole body sings along with his, so I don't answer until his mouth finally lifts. "I love you too." "Tell me you'll be my wife. That you'll marry me." He pushes back inside me, the thrust so good, I'm arching off the bed. "Yes," I gasp, hanging onto his neck, my chin pushing up to leave my neck exposed to him. He kisses along the column, picking up the pace, his thrusts pushing me closer and closer to orgasm. The feel of his skin above me, his strength, only makes me hotter, and I dig my fingers into the thick muscles of his back, holding him tightly. He starts to roll over again, to pull me back on top, but I tighten my thighs on his hips. "Are you sure?" he asks me, holding my face in his hands. "I'm sure," I answer, kissing him again, twining my tongue with his. If I could think, I'd marvel at the way masculinity has been rewritten for me. It's the strength that he uses for me, for my benefit, rather than against, that has changed. Dimitri's body brings me protection, pleasure, love. I arch deeper, my back bowing as I take more of him, the hum of the impending orgasm making me taut as a bow string. "Dimitri," I gasp out, digging my nails into his skin. "That's it, my love, let me fill you." "Yes," I moan back, meeting each of his thrusts as I tilt my hips to take more of him. "You feel so good like this." To be fair, he feels good in every position, and I can't wait to try lots more. "So do you," he rumbles into my neck. "I'll never get enough of you, Ava. You were made for me." I can't answer, I'm too far gone, my entire body focused on the pleasure that's building inside. But if I could, I'd tell him that he was made for me too. Since the first moment I met him, I sensed what I refused to acknowledge, this man was my home. "Cum for me. Cum all over me," he growls into my ear. "Let me fill you." I cry out, my legs locked around him as I seek more friction, more pleasure and then I break, a scream pulling from my lips. My orgasm triggers his and he starts to cum, his body shaking and twitching as his muscles push his seed deep inside me. I hold him close, my arms and legs holding him tight as he collapses on top of me so that I'm completely tucked underneath him. There isn't a bit of fear with his body on mine, only contentment, as I drift off to sleep.