Chapter 11 I partially wake to the sound of a bell dinging. My eyes flutter as I try to remember where I am and what that noise might be. But it doesn't happen again, I'm warm and comfy and I immediately drift back to sleep. I have no idea how much time passes, but at the feel of arms sliding under me, I wake with a start, my eyes flying open. Dimitri's face is right next to mine, his dark eyes assessing me. "What are you doing?" I gasp, stiffening away from him. He tips forward, his lips brushing mine. "Hush, milaya," he whispers. "It's just me, you're safe." The sound of his voice relaxes me, which is when he pulls me into his chest and lifts me out of the chair. I should be afraid, but somehow, Anna being sandwiched between us, makes me feel completely secure as he straightens up, taking me with him. "Where are you taking me?" "To bed." "But..." My brow scrunches. "She needs to be upright. You said..." "I did. And I appreciate what you're doing for her, but you need your sleep too. You're already doing two jobs. You don't need to be a parent too." I sink deeper into his embrace. "I didn't actually mind. Sleeping with her is better than having a weighted blanket." "Careful," he rumbles, giving me a light squeeze. "Careful with what?" "Keep talking like that and you're going to end up with the job full time." I smile. "I already have a job." "I didn't mean the nanny position." He starts down the hall, entering Anna's room first. My brow scrunches. "What are you talking about then?" He sets us both down on Anna's bed and then rolls her to my side so she's laying on the mattress. Before I can ask him what he means, he's got me in his arms again. To my shock, I'm still not afraid. My arms slip around his neck. Is it because this isn't sexual? Whatever it is, I'm far more comfortable than I've ever imagined I'd be in a man's arms. It makes me wonder why I haven't allowed a man access like this sooner. I tried to go slower... But then I'd stop myself. Maybe I should push a few of my very stringent boundaries. But this isn't the man. In fact, Dimitri is the last man with whom I should test any intimacy. I know far too much about him to pretend he's anything close to safe. "You should put me down." "You're right. I should. You're going to ruin me," his eyes are dark and stormy and for the first time tonight, I'm afraid of him again. I stiffen, trying to slide out of his grasp but he only holds me tighter. "Dimitri," I plead. Ruin him? What does that mean? Has he learned the truth somehow? Does he know why I'm here? Panic rises in my chest, and deep down, I feel it. It's not just that I'm afraid he'll hurt me. It's that he might know I haven't been honest. What will he think of me then? It hits me right in the gut that I care about his opinion of me, his feelings. And what I'm doing...it could ruin everything. Am I the bad guy here? That thought makes my eyes go wide and I shake the thought away. But the fact I care so much already has me letting out a long breath of air. I can't believe how much he means to me already. "Because when you hold my daughter like that, it makes me think.... You should be mine." My mouth falls open. This can't be happening. "Dimitri." He shouldn't like me. I'm here to discover his secrets. And I shouldn't care about him. He's the man who took my friend. "Sorry, milaya, I'm not putting pressure on you, but I'm also not great at remaining silent when there are words I want to say." Now that isn't a surprise at all. We pass by my room and keep walking down the hall. "Where are we going?" This time, I speak with real fear. Because I'm not ready for⁠- "Hush, I know your fears. I would never push you to a place where I frighten you." I stare at him in complete confusion as he maneuvers the knob to open the door and then steps into the room with me still in his arms. "Being in your bedroom makes me afraid." "Give me a second," he answers as he sets me down on my feet next to the bed. Should I run? Wait? He opens out a drawer and pulls out a set of handcuffs. Who keeps handcuffs next to the bed? Why is he taking them out now? I stumble back, but he only tosses the metal rings on the mattress before he starts pulling his dress shirt from his slacks. Then he undoes the buttons and shrugs off the shirt, pulling the T-shirt underneath over his head. The muscles of his back ripple, his shoulders so broad, I stop my retreat to just stare. God, he's beautiful. He kicks off his shoes and then lays down on the bed. All fear is gone, replaced with intense curiosity as he threads the cuffs through one of the slats in the headboard. "The key is in the drawer." And then he opens one cuff and closes it around his wrist. "Come, Ava, and put my other hand in the open ring." "But why?" I stare at him in confusion even as my body begins to heat. Because with his hands cuffed...all I feel is pulsing need. "I am yours to do with whatever you wish." And then he manages to get his second hand in the cuff. "I can't grab you. You'll have complete control. Do you want to touch my body? Explore?" The ache starts between my legs, throbbing with need as I move toward the edge of the bed. I just got done thinking he was the last man I should be getting closer to. "Do you want to sit on my face, have me lap at your pussy until you cum all over me?" I gasp, a flood of excitement soaking my panties in an instant. "Do you want me inside you? I can't stop you, can't touch you any way you don't want. I am yours to command." "Dimitri," I plead, his name just falling from my lips. I keep saying it, but it means something different every time I do. This time... "This is a bad idea." "I disagree. I think it's an excellent idea. I think this will help you experience sexual satisfaction with another person with safety and control." My mouth opens but then closes again. He's not wrong. "Take off your shirt," he commands. I reach for the hem and then pause, looking up at the ceiling. "I thought I was in control." He smiles at me then, settling deeper into the bed. I reach out a hand, trailing it over his chest. His skin is coarser than mine. Darker. As my finger trails over his nipple, it peaks just like mine would. I gasp even as he sucks in a breath. A tent is forming in his dress slacks, and I keep running my hand down his body, over the ridges of his six-pack abs to the narrow belt on his pants. He's so gorgeous and in this moment, he's all mine. I want to touch him everywhere, feel every part of him. My tongue darts out to lick my own lips as I flick open the buckle and then reach down the with the other hand, using both, to undo his pants. The tent grows bigger. "Ava." My gaze darts up to his. "What?" "What are you doing?" "You said I could explore. I'm exploring." And then I pull down the zipper. "Lift," I softly command. The voice that told me I should not do this is barely a whisper, my curiosity and desire drowning it out. He lifts up his hips, his stomach rippling as I tug the pants and briefs underneath down to his thighs. His cock stands at attention, large and thick. I thought it might scare me, but I don't feel fear at all. Only more raw desire as I reach out my finger and trail it over the tip. A pearl of liquid forms at the opening and, wrapping my fingers around the girth, I brush my thumb over it, spreading it over his skin. His jaw locks as he leaks more precum. That's when I lean down and flick out my tongue, taking a small taste. "Milaya," he rumbles out, the sound ripping from his throat. But, for once, I barely attend his voice. I'm transfixed. This is like some deep fantasy come to life. No fear. No worry. Just exploration, desire, and fulfillment. It's everything I've ever wanted and didn't know how to make happen. I let go and finally do as he commands, ripping off my shirt and then reaching behind me to unclasp my bra, tossing it to the side. His eyes drink me in, the desire in them undeniable and tonight, like this, it makes me even hotter. Knowing that he can't grab me, force me, leaves me free to understand that his eyes are just telling me how much he wants me, not that he'll hurt me. I hook my thumbs in the waist of my leggings and then I shove them down my thighs, knees, and finally off my feet. Standing back up, I watch him, watching me, the heat of his gaze making me flush. "Jesus, you're beautiful," Dimitri grunts. "Even better than I imagined." I don't say anything. I'm not using him exactly, but I'm deep in my own head, finally able to explore all the pent-up need I've buried for so long. "I want to know what it feels like to have you inside me." "I'm yours, sweetheart. Have your way with me." I don't wait for more permission as I climb onto the bed, straddling him. He naturally presses against my opening. There is no pain, no fear, I thought maybe there would be, but there isn't. "Women like this right? They enjoy having a man..." I pause taking a breath before I say the words, "fuck them." "We are going to make love, milaya, where you feel good, cherished, protected by my body." My mouth falls open as I look down at him. My hands are braced on his chest, my arms pushing my boobs together as he starts to press inside me. It feels so amazing, I gasp, arching my back and neck, which only makes him sink deeper. "I didn't know," I whisper, as I slide the rest of the way down him until he's fully seated inside me. "God, I didn't know. Holy shit, I..." "Slide back up and then take me in again," he grunts out between his teeth. This time I don't correct his bossiness, doing as he commands. It feels even better than the first time and I let out a high-pitched, breathy moan to feel the head of his cock moving inside me. "Fast. Slow. Hard. Soft. Figure out what you like..." But I'm already rising back up to sink back down, picking up speed with every thrust until I'm bouncing on him like it's an Olympic sport. He feels so good and I never imagined that I'd actually be here, with a man inside me, while the orgasm builds to such heights that I all I can do is chase the feeling, desperate for release. My fingertips bite into his chest, my head falling so far back, my long blonde hair brushes his thighs. "Ava," he growls out. "When I get close you have to⁠-" But I can't listen, my body breaking, the orgasm ripping through me like nothing I've ever felt before. I scream, frantic as I keep the pace, wanting every last drop of pleasure he can give. A snarling groan pulls from his lips, and he thrusts up, jerking as his own release fills me with his cum. That's when I gasp. "Shit." "Too late," he grits between his teeth, pushing deeper inside me. My eyes go wide as I stare down at him. What have I done?