Chapter 18 Hearing the men discuss their careers today , I realized with sudden clarity - I deserved that same confidence , that equal seat at the table . Jared called again as soon as I got home . I answered while sinking into the couch . " Why weren't you answering your phone ? " Jared's suspicion bled through the line . " Must've been on silent . What's up ? " The lie came automatically now . " Who were you out with ? Yvonne said you went out again . " He might as well have been taking attendance . " Just some college friends , " I said lightly . " They're all doing well here . Thought I'd reconnect before starting work ." He seemed to turn my answer over in his head before responding . " You've changed lately . What's going on ? " " Changed how ? " I toyed with my hair , suddenly recalling my younger self - the one who wanted to burn bright , not fade into someone's background . " You're dressing differently these days , " Jared said , proving he noticed every detail about me . " Don't I look good ? " I asked with a playful smirk . " You look fine . Just not … dignified enough . " He was never one to mince words . " Dignified ? " I barked a laugh . " Those wedding vows about loving me unconditionally - were those just empty promises ? " The silence on his end was satisfying . " I never said it was bad , " he finally offered after a loaded pause . " Was there anything else ? I'm tired ." I had zero patience for his critiques tonight . The line went quiet for a beat . " Fine . Goodbye , " he said tightly before the line went dead . I clutched my phone with a humorless chuckle . Jared was always perfectly composed , the genteel husband who never raised his voice . But that same restraint made him emotionally sterile . The truth had always been simple - women mirrored what they were given . Coldness turned them to ice . Passion set them ablaze . In college , I used to radiate joy , always smiling , always bright . That changed when I married Jared . The real smiles disappeared , replaced by careful words and actions tailored to his expectations . " Madam , I've made some gruel , " Wendy offered softly . " Would you care for a bowl ? " " Yes , thank you . " I drew a steadying breath . This was the day I'd stop playing a role and start being myself again . I slept deeply that night until the nightmare came at dawn . In my dream , I died again , experiencing the same helpless terror and crushing despair . I woke gasping , the sheets damp with sweat . I stumbled barefoot to the bathroom mirror , pressing my palms against the sink until my reflection - young , unmarked- convinced me I was safe . The phone rang as I was having breakfast . It was from a charity representative . 1/2 Chapter 18 " Ms. " " Ms. Murphy … " The voice turned apologetic . " He formally requested your contact through proper channels . If this causes you any trouble , we'll handle it . " " I'll pass on the lunch , " I replied . " Just tell him I'm happy being a Good Samaritan . No thanks necessary . " With that , I ended the call . Yet I felt strangely moved . That he remembered suggested maybe the world wasn't completely rotten .