PRESENT CHAPTER 9: MONSTER Gualtiero could not believe he had allowed it to come that close. All he wanted to do was cheer her up after what happened to Roman. Although he did not understand why it upset her, he wanted to banish her sadness away so she would smile again. He did not expect her to do something like what she almost did. He had never hated himself more for wanting the kiss to happen for a second. How could he even for a second think about doing something that would have ended Diana’s life? Was it not enough that he always thought her blood smelled so sweetly? Was it not enough that he fantasizes about drinking her blood too often? “Monster!” he yelled at himself. “You are a monster!” Why would he want a kiss when he had never wanted one before? Lilith took pleasure in satisfying her lust doing things to him, but he had never wanted any of it before. He had grown to despise it because it reminded him of Lilith. Gualtiero clutched his chest, imitating the inhale – exhale method humans do as Anastasia advised him to do last time around. It did not make him feel better. It did not make him feel less of a monster. He wished he could see his own reflection. He was certain he looked as hideous as he felt. For the first time in a very long while, he wished for mortality. What was the use of living for centuries never growing old if one was as lonely as he felt? “Gualtiero.” He recognized Anastasia’s voice and glanced in her direction. What was she doing in the middle of nowhere? “I thought I’ll find you here,” Anastasia stated. “You look upset. Tell me, how can I help you?” “Althaia… she perished trying to help me. Do not play with fire, Anastasia. You are young. Do not waste your life serving someone else,” Gualtiero responded. Anastasia considered what he stated for a minute and did not say anything. Truthfully speaking, she just needed a moment to breathe him in. He was so gorgeous. “There you go again sounding like an ancient priest,” Anastasia said, with a teasing laugh. “I told you not to talk that way. You sound so weird.” “I need you to protect Diana from danger,” Gualtiero said, not laughing at Anastasia’s attempt to lighten up the situation. Including myself, he bitterly thought. “I am your familiar,” she said, rolling her eyes. “I am not Diana’s familiar. I am yours.” She bit her lip, embarrassed of her last statement. She did not mean it to sound so flirty – but she did mean it. “Anastasia, your friend Roman…” he began. “Roman is not my friend,” she promptly corrected. “I did not murder him. It is not from my hands that he perished. And had I known that his death would upset Diana greatly, I would have saved him. There is another vampire in town, I am sure of it. Unlike me, they seem to not mind being careless. I saw Roman’s lifeless body myself. It is as if this vampire is announcing their presence,” Gualtiero explained. “Do you have any idea what they want? Besides blood, I mean,” Anastasia asked. “I do not. What I know is they did not just come here for blood. They came here for bloodshed; possibly to draw all vampire hunters out and destroy them all,” Gualtiero theorized. “Is that what’s upsetting you?” Anastasia asked, feeling as if there was something more that Gualtiero was not saying. “I have a curse,” he said. “A vampire cursed me to have a doomed relationship with any human. I cannot kiss a human or they will perish.” “Wait… does that include familiars?” Anastasia asked, suddenly lost in thought. Gualtiero was taken aback by the question. He was not expecting it at all. “I am a monster, Anastasia. I almost let the kiss happen between Diana and me. It is what is upsetting me greatly. I came to your house worried about Diana. She did not answer my calls. I wanted her to be happy but I almost killed her with the curse. You have no idea how much I despise myself,” Gualtiero said gloomily. “I gave her the notebook because it is the title of the movie she fancies the most, but I think she was upset with how reacted, because even when I left your house, I knew she tossed the notebook away. I heard it.” Oh, Gualtiero! Anastasia thought, wanting to squeeze him into a hug. She stopped herself, noting that he never answered her question whether the curse extended to familiars as well. “Do you know what it means?” Gualtiero continued. Anastasia kept listening to him talking, staring at his handsome face. She was not the type to easily fall for a guy, but she was almost certain that at the moment she was in love with Gualtiero. “It means she decided she doesn’t need me in the difficult moments of her life, because she tossed away the notebook.” Gualtiero sounded so sad that it took every strength Anastasia had in her to not kiss his sadness away. “It’s cheesy anyway. The movie, I mean. I think you’ll enjoy stuff like The Twilight Zone more,” Anastasia said. “Cheesy?” “Yeah, cheesy, like you sometimes,” Anastasia laughed. “I’ve never been happier in my life.” It was a terrible imitation of Gualtiero’s stone cold voice. “What are you doing?” Gualtiero asked, brows furrowed in confusion. “Are you trying to sound like a man?” “I’m trying to sound like you,” Anastasia replied, dying of laughter. “Cheesy Gualtiero.” Gualtiero gave up asking her what she meant and dropped the subject. “Cheesy: adjective,” Anastasia spoke again, reading a definition from her phone. “Too emotional, or romantic in an embarrassing way.” Gualtiero’s mouth formed an awkward smile and it made Anastasia grin. “I made you smile!” she exclaimed. “This feels like winning a lottery, seriously.” Gualtiero laughed at the analogy but remembered instantly what was troubling him. “Anastasia, I need to find whoever killed Roman. Leaving a body like that in the open means they aren’t finished. You need to promise me you will protect Diana at all cost. I would do that but I am not certain she will ever want to speak with me again.” When twilight came, Gualtiero could not stop himself from going back to the house to see Diana. Even just to watch her in her sleep. He needed to hurry. Morning would break anytime soon and he would need to go back into hiding or he would expose himself to the sun. But he did not care. He needed to see her, like he needed blood to survive, perhaps even more than that. He was back at her window in no time. He ached for her badly. He wished there was a way for her to know that if things were different, he would have not hesitated accepting the kiss. Suddenly, he envied Roman despite his untimely and atrocious death. Gualtiero imagined a universe wherein Roman did not die and he married Diana eventually. He imagined them kissing as passionately as they could, drinking each other in, even in broad daylight. He felt disgusted and angered with the thought. Suddenly, he was glad Roman was already dead. “I am a monster,” he whispered to himself, suddenly believing the statement with more conviction this time.